Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Portrait: Part 3:Abused Family: JH Uses Tennis Strategy To Wreck Havoc

"I once was blind, but now I see", those wonderful words from the Christian Hymn, "Amazing Grace". The first few words so true of the many months from the time JH first entered our lives on a somewhat regular basis and the last four words developing insights slowly over time and evolving even today.

JH and I exchanged over three dozen emails from mid February 2010 until the fist part of June 2010. They're cordial, no questions about Mom's feeling "abused" or concerns about Mom's treatment.

Each time JH took Mom out for a couple of hours. There were frequent long times in between those "visits" and one time four or five weeks elapsed. JH never called, never mentioned she'd be "away" or unable to visit. She just simply didn't email, didn't call and seldom even mentioned she might be "out of touch" for a while.

So, the question remains:  Exactly when, Julia Hed...did you believe Mom was being emotionally and financially abused by me?  What was your first clue?  What evidence did you have?  What made you not even question a mid nineties woman's concerns after living almost forty years with her daughter and her family's sudden "abuse".

The Most Important Questions:  How could you return an elderly person to what you saw as so abusive a situation you had to call the Elder Abuse Hotline? 

Why didn't the State of Missouri act immediately and remove her from the home? 

Why didn't someone immediately come to visit the home?

Why didn't the authorities contact a Judge and get a Court Order to protect Mom? 

How did you convince the DHSS of the State of Missouri to work with you?

It was most important you keep a low profile.  You practice that daily with your nondescript appearance you blend in to most surroundings.

What, I wonder, did you tell the authorities to convince them Mom would be OK if she could just be placed permanently into a Long Term Care Facility -- where, of course, you'd have access to her when you wanted, for how long you wanted, to try to see if you could find additional money or other valuables.

There's also your Mission to convert Mom .... before it's too late.

You're driven by the need to convert Mom to the Catholic Faith. That's never been Mom's choice; we honored her choices, her wishes and never took advantage of her as you have done.

You tried posting a picture of The Divine Mercy in her room when she first went into an SNC. You left a "religious ring" in her drawer. You left other little articles of "the faith" hoping these "symbols" would work a "miracle" and bring yet another "lost soul" into what you believe is the One, the Only, the True Faith.

Mom has a right to believe as she has always wanted; shame on you for preying upon the elderly in their last years of life for your own personal wants and needs. Mom has her religion; a faith she's had since she was a child; the faith of her family, of her choice. She does not have to be a Catholic to be "saved".

You're good at what you do, Julia Hed....but not good enough.Your weakness remains you serve yourself instead of whom you claim to serve and in that way, you will always lose the final point in this game you play with the lives of people.

My emails reached out for support during the time my husband was critically and chronically ill as he was making his final journey with us succumbing and leaving us in January 2011. 

My emails shared information and so did my conversations with Julia Hed... when she'd come by our home and when she'd take Mom out for a couple of hours; a "gift" of time I thought Julia Hed.... was giving our family as we struggled to work 24/7 caring for both my husband and Mom.

JH seemed so helpful; I called her our "guardian angel". She volunteered to lead the group and make all the arrangements for delivery of meals from the SVDP (St Vincent de Paul Society) from our Church when my husband returned home from over 100 straight days in the hospital and a month in Rehab with many ongoing medical conditions. 

Now I See:  volunteering to manage the delivery of meals put her in close and consistent contact with our family and guaranteed she'd eventually gain access to my Mom; access she'd tried to gain before but was denied.

Julia Hed.... is a strategist in life as she most probably is on the tennis court; her continuity at an advancing age, her early achievements and induction as the first woman into her University's Tennis Hall of Fame are indicators of Julia Hed....'s ability to outmaneuver opponents. She caught us off guard, she saw our weaknesses and vulnerabilities caring for my husband in his last months on this earth and for my mother who was progressing in her journey with Dementia, unrealized and undiagnosed as the challenging Lewy Body Dementia we've finally come to know and understand. 

Tennis is a game of strategy; knowing your opponent's strengths and taking advantage of their weaknesses. Watching, waiting for the opportunity and striking when it's most advantageous. JH, in our opinion, applied and applies these same tactics to using undue influence to gain the trust and confidence of Mom while surprising us through her hard striking and unexpected actions.

When she changed to phone calls, from June 2010 to late October 2010, I followed her lead; I didn't realize she was moving into another phase of Elder Abuse of my Mom and I was being set up for the "winning point" -- taking Mom to our bank and removing my Power of Attorney while also opening a safety deposit box in her name and Mom's with JH keeping both keys.

Julia Hed....is a Registered Nurse with a degree from a prestigious University with a Nursing Department. Julia Hed..., by her own admission, has worked in positions of "authority" in a large East Coast hospital; more than just an RN, perhaps a Nurse Manager or another position overseeing other Nurses.... Julia Hed... never shared complete information about herself. She was and is a Eucharistic Minister and a Lector; two highly respected positions. Our Church, as has been the case during other violations of individuals through abuse, turns its back and refuses to protect yet another vulnerable portion of society, our elderly.

Julia Hed...... has worked for years with men and women with varying stages of Dementia and Alzheimer's, by her own admission.  She works/worked for families who live/lived too far away to provide "in home" services as Julia did.

I discovered Julia's License to practice as a Registered Nurse had expired in 2009 and not been renewed until mid 2011 -- right about the time she started really becoming involved with our family. Wonder if the State and the families she served during that time were/are aware of that expiration; Julia told me she was working with men and women, giving meds and doing other "nursing" duties. She offered to do them for us but we didn't need that help -- this was months before she entered our life with the SVDP delivery of meals.

Julie Hed..... studied psychology as part of her Nursing curriculum and learned how to gain patients trust and to do what was needed. Julie learned how to talk with the elderly, how to gain their trust. Julie honed her skills developing trust in relationships with relatives of those she worked with. They trusted her with varying levels of decision making and providing her "advice" including when she thought it would be best to move into a Nursing Facility (according to what she'd shared with me) and even with assisting in the sale of articles and even at least once with the sale of a home.

Take a very elderly woman who was used to being the "center of attention" with illnesses and medical conditions; whose family constantly tried to provide everything she needed or wanted and who was now called to divide their time and attention for another family member. The Perfect Storm.  The Perfect "Mark".

In Part 4 I'll write about how Julia Hed..... was so good at what she does she convinced the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services to work with her and to participate in the abusive actions then and is using the DHSS Rules and Regulations for Residents of Long Term Care Facilities to continue to emotionally abuse my Mom and our family.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Behaviours and Physical Changes: Is Mom's LBD Advancing?

Mom definitely needs something to do other than just sit in her room. 

Her mind continues to go back to believing she's leaving the facility to live in a house provided by her "husband"; although these days it's not quite clear if they're still married, Mom's gotten a divorce or he just decided to give her the house and went somewhere else. This is Mom's "imaginary husband"; her one and only husband passed decades ago and did not have the same name.

Again, the longer the time frame between visits from her undue influencer, Julia, the less we hear about Lawrence. 

Then when Julia comes to visit, the scenario shifts, changes with additions and variations:  Mom's pregnant, it's a boy, "he" will be so proud as he's always wanted a son, it's a girl, a second girl (I'm the one, the only, the girl, the daughter, the real one, that is).

This delusion is very complicated and as I've mentioned before I'm of the belief it's one that's been instigated by Julia, the woman who continues to visit Mom and each time she does we see marked changes in Mom's behavior and in what she "believes" is "real". 

Also, all my Internet searching and asking people who caregive for someone with LBD, the hallucinations and delusions are not "Soap Operas" changing and expanding in storyline like Mom's are doing.

HOWEVER:  If anyone reading this has a mother, daughter or other loved one or cares for someone with LBD or Dementia and is experiencing similar "soap opera" hallucinations or delusions, please add a comment and share what you're experiencing. 

Mom can't remember her "husband's" name after time passes and/or Julia hasn't visited for a while. But after Julia visits, Mom gets new ideas about her marriage including the most recent one of her being pregnant. Yes, pregnant at age almost 99.  When asked, she'll tell you of course it's possible because she's married and that's what can happen when you're married.

While that concept could be a stored memory, other details seem definitely "planted":  how she'll be able to carry the baby even at her advanced age because she's been checked by a "female Doctor" who said they have things they can do for her and give her to help her keep the pregnancy.

There's that "female" figure, again.  SHE always plays a part in Mom's hallucinations and delusions that involve the "marriage" and "the pregnancy". 

Oh, and another scenario has come up and has changed again but is still based on information from before Mom "got married". Mom is going to work! Yes, and it's now in a little town she knows very well. They've put a "Houska" (one of Mom's aphasia words she knows what she means but no one else does) there and now she'll be able to support the baby. Guess that means Lawrence is out of the picture?????

Most importantly:  Lawrence was not someone Mom talked about or thought about. Except for a brief time period of about two weeks when she was around sixteen or seventeen visiting her brother and his wife in Detroit from her small rural Illinois home, she hasn't heard from a man with that name or seen him and that's about 80 years! Looking up the name on the web, it appears he passed many years ago.

Mom most probably did talk with Julia about Lawrence when Julia took Mom out for the two hour "visits" she used to make with her while Mom was living in our home.  After all, for a total from February through October 2010 of almost forty hours spent together in two hour segments, there was no shopping, activities or events attended, all they did was sit and talk, so Julia was able to gather a great deal of personal information about Mom's life over the years.

The average person can carry on a conversation about a great many things in that period of time but a very elderly person is more easily led to talk about "the past" and especially "their past".  

As I've said, anyone who could deceive me as well as Julia did and get my Mom to believe she wanted to move out of the home she lived in with our family for almost four decades, is quite the manipulator and controller.

I'd arrived at the facility to find all Mom's clothes folded and stacked on her bed along with a few other items. 

She's had a box packed with some other items for many weeks as she went through other times waiting to "move out". 

What's challenging is Mom folds the clean and the dirty clothing together so I try to sort through everything. In times past, she's told me not to do that; to leave it be; she wants it there, and I do. 

This time, though, she sees what I'm doing but doesn't question my rehanging and sorting. Should I be concerned? Is this an advancement? Could it be the UTI she's been treated for or the now prevalent, floor wide respiratory infection going around?  Mom's coughing so I'll go for the latter.

Mom was in her lift chair when I arrived; she must have been in her wheelchair when she folded all the clothing. She couldn't reach the bed from her chair to do that work.

Someone had to move her because she can no longer move herself. There was a horrible smell and Mom said she needed to go to the bathroom. She didn't realize she'd already went and apparently more than once and had both urinary and fecal incontinence. It was so bad her paper pants were in pieces all over the chair.

How that happened I can't begin to imagine as she was wearing slacks, a shirt and a jacket. Someone failed to check her like they're supposed to. 

She often doesn't realize any longer when she needs to use the bathroom and I've found her like this several times in the past few weeks. I try to get the staff to adjust to her changing needs but it's often like talking to a wall. 

It sounds terrible, but the fact she often doesn't realize what's happened is a blessing; she'd be so concerned if she did realize. Not sure if this is a permanent or temporary development; you're never sure with Lewy Body Dementia.

It's either amazing or a result of another conversation during a visit with Julia about "moving out" of her current facility, but Mom cannot remember what day it is or what month most of the time but she seems to know it's the end of another month and she has to move out so she won't be charged and will get to have her Social Security money to spend on what she wants rather than go to pay for the place where she doesn't want to stay. 

Mom seldom talks about money but it seems like after Julia visits, Mom focuses on having money, using money, getting money and sometimes on paying for something she "thinks" she wants or needs (like the dresses for her "wedding").

Mom added to this scenario a few days ago by telling me she'd been to the bank and deposited her check and got some money out, a few dollars. Of course, she hadn't; she can barely stand right now;  this is most likely a memory of the time she and Julia went to the bank, that fateful October 26, 2010, when Julia without our knowing took Mom and opened a safety deposit box keeping both the keys and not letting any family member know. The day she had Mom take money out of our home, money we'd set aside for Mom's burial or other needs.

Why does Julia continue to visit Mom?  Julia says Mom is her "friend".  Julia's in her fifties and Mom is in her late nineties; Julia never attempted to be my friend and I'm more of a contemporary with a daughter the age of her daughter. 

Julia has made every effort not to have any type of relationship with me or my daughter. Julia has purposely and intentionally visited Mom at times she knows we won't be there and if we do come in contact she doesn't speak to us except to say it's her "private time" to visit with Mom.

LBD doesn't progress like Alzheimer's; often various cognitive functionality remains. Is Julia afraid Mom will recall totally what happened and put together the pieces of her missing Social Security money and how Julia was the one and only person who had access to it besides Mom?

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Time Travel: Memory Travel: We Want Your Comments

Time Travel. Memory travel.

So different from all the amazing places in this wonderful world Mom and I saw both together and separately when we lived in a different time and she lived in a different place.

Just reread my first blog post. April 9, 2013. Not even three months ago.

I've written volumes about what's happened as it happened but never put it "out there" for everyone to see before starting this blog.

It was my way of trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together along with researching and trying to find someone, anyone, some organization, any organization, who could give me direction, guidance and above all, hope.

Before the blog I was still floundering in the remnants of the Tsunami Julia H. created in our family's life. A violent, destructive force of action moving everything in its path to another location; there is no control, you ride it out or you perish within its force. Then, comes the end that's the beginning of picking up the pieces of your life as you try to survive, one day at a time.

Only with Julia H., it wasn't just one Tsunami, Julia's kept creating more storms and more upheaval along the way. She's still trying.

Today, we see beyond what Julia does; we have more ways to ride out her storms and we continue to search for ways to put an end to her wrecking havoc on our lives. We work each day to stop her from finding other targets or marks for what we believe are financial and emotional abuse of the elderly.

A word to those of you who may be enduring similar challenges:  take each day as it comes, the good and the bad, believe there is an end and you are reaching out for it by seeking truth and bringing it into the light.

So much seems to have changed and yet so much is the same. With Mom's physical and mental abilities. LBD is a constant roller coaster so it's really hard to predict or even observe if a specific "change" is permanent or temporary.

Perhaps I should be grateful for the latter. I've read about the projected road ahead. I've travelled that most difficult part of that road, end of life, already, with someone I love.

It's not a journey of choice; it's a journey of life.

What I'm trying to discover now, on this part of our "trek", concerns the hallucinations and delusions of Lewy Body Dementia. So much that's written is general in nature and what I'm looking for are commentaries from caregivers as the experiences are happening.

Relating that LBD patients often see distortions of facial features or other physical features and attributing that to possible vision challenges and the brain's creating the "illusion" is not as helpful as having people who've experienced these hallucinations and delusions specifically detailing what they are, when they occur and the physical and mental abilities or losses also observed.

I'll detail Mom's vivid hallucinations and delusions in an additional entry.

AN INVITATION:  If you or anyone you know has or care gives for someone with LBD, please leave a message and detail your experiences.

Sharing our living with LBD serves as the best guide for all of us and will hopefully encourage the medical profession to examine more closely the mental and physical challenges of Lewy Body Dementia.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Julia: Part II: Cease and Desist: Missouri Law As JH's Enabler

Being accused of Elder Abuse is a serious accusation. Missouri Statues, of which there are three on Elder Abuse, provide significant levels of punitive action including imprisonment.

Anyone can report; certain professions directly involved in providing services are mandated reporters.The General Public is told it's perfectly all right to call the Elder Abuse Hot line if they even "think" there might be elder abuse.

Unfortunately, at least in the State of Missouri, the people responsible for investigating these reports have been and continue to be inadequately selected for their positions of responsibility determining changes in human lives and inadequately trained in Geriatrics including Dementia in all its forms.

Seniors need protection. Elder Abuse Laws are an important means of protection. Systems and Procedures leading to disruption of life of individuals and families due to intended or unintended negligence in due diligence regarding Elder Abuse Hot line Reports must be recognized and Statues must be drawn to protect the innocent as well as punish the guilty.

Abuse is defined by the State of Missouri on this page.  It specifically states Abuse is "injury or harm". The online dictionary defines "injury" and "harm" as significant actions on the part of someone against another which inflicts damages. Missouri Law is written to attempt to protect Seniors but it also protects predators using Undue Influence and provides a means through which they can use the Law to their advantage.

JULIA, WHAT ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AND MY HUSBAND? My daughter dropped out of college to help with the 24/7 care of her Grandmother and her father. Why didn't you cite her as an abuser or at least an enabler? 

As my daughter says, she was in her twenties and should have been considered someone who contributed to the abuse, allowing it to happen, an enabler, or possibly a participator.

What did you say that excluded either of them from your allegations?
Why didn't the DHSS even question my daughter about possible abuse of my Mom by me?

My husband had contact with many people including friends, relatives, members of our Church and others. Why wouldn't he ask one of them to report Elder Abuse of my Mom as he would have witnessed it.
He had a cell phone; I wasn't always with him; why didn't he call the Elder Abuse Hotline?

My daughter was constantly in and out of our home and had her own cell phone as well. If there was abuse as you claim, why didn't she file an Elder Abuse Hotline report or contact someone from the DHSS? She'd met with them when they visited our home at my request to seek further care and socialization for Mom.

As an adult, why would she allow her grandmother to be abused in a home where she lived for so many years?

WHY, JULIA?  Why did you continue to return a very elderly woman to a home where you believe she was financially and emotionally abused? 

How long was it from the date you made the report until you took her to open a joint safety deposit box and remove my POA?

Why did you walk away each time and if you believed what you said, "endanger" Mom? How could you if you believed what you reported?

Why didn't you contact a charity you supported, ALIVE, or Catholic Charities with whom you're very familiar?

WHY, JULIA?  Why didn’t you file a report on me alleging abuse of my husband, too? 

He was a Senior; he was incapable of protecting himself, he was also somewhat isolated in our home although attended by Home Health Care a couple of times a week and numerous returns for hospitalization.

WHY, JULIA? Both Mom and my husband had outside contact with medical professionals and hospital stays of more than a day with various examinations and procedures and not one of those professionals questioned their care in our home or my care giving as you did.

WHY, JULIA?  With so many other contacts and socializations with medical and professional people focused on the elderly, why wasn't there anyone else who had concerns about Mom or my husband’s physical or social welfare?

Mom went out to Adult Day Care three times a week, Julia, starting in August, 2010, why didn’t they file a report to the State of Missouri? They had a Nurse and Social Worker on staff who often spoke with Mom and other attendees as required by State Law about where they lived and how they lived.
Mom visited several Doctors and spent days in Hospitals and Rehab Centers from the time she entered her Ninth Decade of life for medical challenges and some stays included surgeries. Why was there never an Abuse report generated from these medical authorities if it was indeed a part of our lives? 

Mom spoke with many people without my being present and yet there was never a question to me, never a report to the DHSS about suspected "abuse" generating an investigation?

In fact, there was no contact from the DHSS that wasn't originated through my efforts to seek more medical or social services care for Mom before and during the time until we discovered your actions in late 2010.
JULIA, Are you implying all the Doctors who examined Mom including Geriatricians did not see the emotional abuse you called the Hot line about? That visitors to our home over the years and especially during that 2010 time who spent time with Mom and in her room and talked with her could not see "financial abuse" that you saw? 

What exactly were the specifics of the emotional and financial abuse, Julia?

Mom never paid one cent of her Social Security and she came into our home with no savings and no source of income from the age of 57 until 62.  At age 63, Mom began travelling the world: her first trip was to Hawaii and the cost was more than her total yearly accumulated monthly checks for the preceeding year.

Each year after that until she was 87, Mom travelled and used all her SS money to travel the world. She's been several times to Europe (Western, Central and Eastern); Cruises in the Caribbean, Greek Isles, on European Rivers, on the Nile in Egypt, to Alaska and in China.

Mom had her own private room, double bed, dressing table with chair, nightstands and several lamps for reading and good lighting, carpeting throughout, a walk in closet, a double dresser, a TV and remote control, an automatic lift chair, a railing was installed to assist her lifting her body to a sitting position on the bed, guard rails on the tub, different types of shower chairs and frequent bathing, installed rails on toilets she used, safety rails installed, all area rugs removed, higher watt bulbs installed to ease sight. As she aged, steps were eliminated on the outside of the home and installation of a board walkway allowing easier departure and entry, carpeting was removed from steps leading from one level of the home to another, breakable items were put out of reach. This only begins a very long list of adjustments, additions, provisions and inclusions we made as Mom aged in our home, in the home she used to love to call "her home".

WHY, JULIA?  Did your professional credentials and your work experience cloud the DHSS's  judgment?

Did you possibly misrepresent your credentials or work in some way to cause them to act so irresponsibly and unprofessionally?

Mom was visited on more than one occasion in our home by the State of Missouri Department of Health and even another Social Worker in the time period when you were taking Mom out on occasional excursions but before you made the call to the Elder Abuse Hot line. Never was there a mention of any concerns or actions taken by the DHSS. No attempts to return and revisit our home. No questions from the DHSS representative who visited with Mom extensively including spending time with her in her room.

Mom was visited at her Day Care by the DHSS as is their practice. No report generated.  No visits to our home based on “concerns” and no questions, no letters, nothing.

WHY, JULIA?  You spent approximately 38 - 40 hours total from the end of January 2010 until October 26, 2010 with Mom; you spent an average total of two hours each “visit” with her from the time you took her from our home to returning her to our home. 
Transit to your preferred destination, a Steak N Shake or another close by location, would have been approximately 15 minutes each way; transferring Mom in and out of your car and into your destination and return to your car would have taken another 5 - 10 minutes each way.
Except the fateful day of October 26, 2010, (believe that's the date) when you called and asked to "keep her out a little longer as you were having such a good time". You picked her up about 1 PM (going from memory but do have record of time period) and instead of returning at 3 as was the original plan, you now wanted to bring her back "after 5". Since we had plans, it became a time adjustment to 5 PM.
WHY, JULIA?  WHY DID YOU NEED FOUR HOURS?  WHAT WERE YOUR PLANS?  WHAT DID YOU WANT AND NEED TO DO? WHAT DID YOU ACTUALLY DO WITH MOM DURING THAT TIME? We know you took her to the bank where Mom had an account and opened a safety deposit box in your name and her name depositing a large sum of cash Mom had removed from our house and your keeping both keys not telling any family member. We know you arranged for Mom to remove my Power of Attorney; you'd found out about that months before when you asked if I had a Guardianship or POA. You were very good at getting information and giving little in return.
WHY, JULIA?  You had to plan that day specifically. Mom had to have taken the money from our house before you left with her. It was a significant amount, a few thousand dollars we'd set aside for her burial. She also had Social Security money she didn't spend over all the months during my husband's severe medical challenges and our family's distress.
WHY THAT PARTICULAR DAY, JULIA?  I can only wonder how you'd tested Mom during the time before that day to see how much she'd trust you and what she'd do with and for you; what did you do to build up her distrust of me? 
Transferring trust to you from me had to include removal of basic needs and desires from Mom or seeming to do so. With your analytic and planning skills honed from years as a champion tennis player in college and your continued competitive participation in the sport today, you've applied your skills and knowledge where it can be financially beneficial, in my opinion, and harmful to our Senior population.

WHEN, JULIA, DID YOU FIRST SUSPECT ABUSE?  JULIA, WHEN EXACTLY DID YOU BELIEVE THERE WAS EVIDENCE to substantiate a claim of Elder Abuse both financial and emotional of my Mom AND WHAT WAS THAT SPECIFIC EVIDENCE? These are just a few questions needing an answer to remove the smear you've worked so hard to affix to my character and integrity and I've spent almost three years in an effort to prove you are the actual abuser and my Mom wasn't your first and won't be your last "victim".