Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Portrait: Part 3:Abused Family: JH Uses Tennis Strategy To Wreck Havoc

"I once was blind, but now I see", those wonderful words from the Christian Hymn, "Amazing Grace". The first few words so true of the many months from the time JH first entered our lives on a somewhat regular basis and the last four words developing insights slowly over time and evolving even today.

JH and I exchanged over three dozen emails from mid February 2010 until the fist part of June 2010. They're cordial, no questions about Mom's feeling "abused" or concerns about Mom's treatment.

Each time JH took Mom out for a couple of hours. There were frequent long times in between those "visits" and one time four or five weeks elapsed. JH never called, never mentioned she'd be "away" or unable to visit. She just simply didn't email, didn't call and seldom even mentioned she might be "out of touch" for a while.

So, the question remains:  Exactly when, Julia Hed...did you believe Mom was being emotionally and financially abused by me?  What was your first clue?  What evidence did you have?  What made you not even question a mid nineties woman's concerns after living almost forty years with her daughter and her family's sudden "abuse".

The Most Important Questions:  How could you return an elderly person to what you saw as so abusive a situation you had to call the Elder Abuse Hotline? 

Why didn't the State of Missouri act immediately and remove her from the home? 

Why didn't someone immediately come to visit the home?

Why didn't the authorities contact a Judge and get a Court Order to protect Mom? 

How did you convince the DHSS of the State of Missouri to work with you?

It was most important you keep a low profile.  You practice that daily with your nondescript appearance you blend in to most surroundings.

What, I wonder, did you tell the authorities to convince them Mom would be OK if she could just be placed permanently into a Long Term Care Facility -- where, of course, you'd have access to her when you wanted, for how long you wanted, to try to see if you could find additional money or other valuables.

There's also your Mission to convert Mom .... before it's too late.

You're driven by the need to convert Mom to the Catholic Faith. That's never been Mom's choice; we honored her choices, her wishes and never took advantage of her as you have done.

You tried posting a picture of The Divine Mercy in her room when she first went into an SNC. You left a "religious ring" in her drawer. You left other little articles of "the faith" hoping these "symbols" would work a "miracle" and bring yet another "lost soul" into what you believe is the One, the Only, the True Faith.

Mom has a right to believe as she has always wanted; shame on you for preying upon the elderly in their last years of life for your own personal wants and needs. Mom has her religion; a faith she's had since she was a child; the faith of her family, of her choice. She does not have to be a Catholic to be "saved".

You're good at what you do, Julia Hed....but not good enough.Your weakness remains you serve yourself instead of whom you claim to serve and in that way, you will always lose the final point in this game you play with the lives of people.

My emails reached out for support during the time my husband was critically and chronically ill as he was making his final journey with us succumbing and leaving us in January 2011. 

My emails shared information and so did my conversations with Julia Hed... when she'd come by our home and when she'd take Mom out for a couple of hours; a "gift" of time I thought Julia Hed.... was giving our family as we struggled to work 24/7 caring for both my husband and Mom.

JH seemed so helpful; I called her our "guardian angel". She volunteered to lead the group and make all the arrangements for delivery of meals from the SVDP (St Vincent de Paul Society) from our Church when my husband returned home from over 100 straight days in the hospital and a month in Rehab with many ongoing medical conditions. 

Now I See:  volunteering to manage the delivery of meals put her in close and consistent contact with our family and guaranteed she'd eventually gain access to my Mom; access she'd tried to gain before but was denied.

Julia Hed.... is a strategist in life as she most probably is on the tennis court; her continuity at an advancing age, her early achievements and induction as the first woman into her University's Tennis Hall of Fame are indicators of Julia Hed....'s ability to outmaneuver opponents. She caught us off guard, she saw our weaknesses and vulnerabilities caring for my husband in his last months on this earth and for my mother who was progressing in her journey with Dementia, unrealized and undiagnosed as the challenging Lewy Body Dementia we've finally come to know and understand. 

Tennis is a game of strategy; knowing your opponent's strengths and taking advantage of their weaknesses. Watching, waiting for the opportunity and striking when it's most advantageous. JH, in our opinion, applied and applies these same tactics to using undue influence to gain the trust and confidence of Mom while surprising us through her hard striking and unexpected actions.

When she changed to phone calls, from June 2010 to late October 2010, I followed her lead; I didn't realize she was moving into another phase of Elder Abuse of my Mom and I was being set up for the "winning point" -- taking Mom to our bank and removing my Power of Attorney while also opening a safety deposit box in her name and Mom's with JH keeping both keys.

Julia Hed....is a Registered Nurse with a degree from a prestigious University with a Nursing Department. Julia Hed..., by her own admission, has worked in positions of "authority" in a large East Coast hospital; more than just an RN, perhaps a Nurse Manager or another position overseeing other Nurses.... Julia Hed... never shared complete information about herself. She was and is a Eucharistic Minister and a Lector; two highly respected positions. Our Church, as has been the case during other violations of individuals through abuse, turns its back and refuses to protect yet another vulnerable portion of society, our elderly.

Julia Hed...... has worked for years with men and women with varying stages of Dementia and Alzheimer's, by her own admission.  She works/worked for families who live/lived too far away to provide "in home" services as Julia did.

I discovered Julia's License to practice as a Registered Nurse had expired in 2009 and not been renewed until mid 2011 -- right about the time she started really becoming involved with our family. Wonder if the State and the families she served during that time were/are aware of that expiration; Julia told me she was working with men and women, giving meds and doing other "nursing" duties. She offered to do them for us but we didn't need that help -- this was months before she entered our life with the SVDP delivery of meals.

Julie Hed..... studied psychology as part of her Nursing curriculum and learned how to gain patients trust and to do what was needed. Julie learned how to talk with the elderly, how to gain their trust. Julie honed her skills developing trust in relationships with relatives of those she worked with. They trusted her with varying levels of decision making and providing her "advice" including when she thought it would be best to move into a Nursing Facility (according to what she'd shared with me) and even with assisting in the sale of articles and even at least once with the sale of a home.

Take a very elderly woman who was used to being the "center of attention" with illnesses and medical conditions; whose family constantly tried to provide everything she needed or wanted and who was now called to divide their time and attention for another family member. The Perfect Storm.  The Perfect "Mark".

In Part 4 I'll write about how Julia Hed..... was so good at what she does she convinced the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services to work with her and to participate in the abusive actions then and is using the DHSS Rules and Regulations for Residents of Long Term Care Facilities to continue to emotionally abuse my Mom and our family.

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