Saturday, October 11, 2014

Missed Opportunity or Window of Opportunity?

Friday came and went and it was rain, rain, rain. Sometimes pouring but almost continuously falling. Cloudy, overcast and definitely not Garage Sale weather. No problem. Tomorrow's another day.


Well, today is Saturday. Forecast was/is for more rain but, of course, it's "cloudy" and "overcast" but in the early morning hours NOT raining.


Did I make another wrong choice?  Sometimes I feel like I spend my life second guessing personal life choices. It's been a constant uphill battle letting go of the "Should I/we have" and "What if I'd/we'd" and did I/we make the right or best or whatever type of choice???


Those who remain and care deeply still about those for whom they care gave often find themselves in this Valley of Choices dilemma.


Love gives us both strength and weaknesses.


As I drove daughter to work a little earlier, I noticed there was only one Garage Sale sign posted along the way; usually there are several at the fronts of various subdivisions and street crossings.


As with life in general, sometimes it's only as time moves forward we're able to see if the choice we made was best.


I know I won't be sitting around thinking about the "what if's" today. Many other possibilities and things needing to be done.Never have been the type to do that.


Always tried to make the decision based on weighing the known facts and alternatives and then hope and pray for the best to come of the choice made, the opportunity presented.


Perhaps tomorrow we'll try again. Weather forecast is for a sunny day. Next week's forecast is out until Thursday which looks like sunshine and that may continue into Friday and Saturday.


I did weigh the decision before holding off today. Knowing I would be by myself with daughter working I would be unable to move all the items back inside if rain, even showers, came. I knew there would be even more extensive and permanent damage to items if this happened and the one time we had the dust damage from a Flea Market taught us a great lesson -- wind and dust do not a good day make when you're sitting outside your car hoping for foot traffic and buyers.


If only life decisions were so simple!  If only health decisions didn't have so many possibilities to change, develop and escalate affecting other body parts and areas. If only the patient, those who love them and those who try to care for them, had a crystal ball or at least a "machine" predicting in real life as they do so easily on so many TV programs -- what is going to happen, what will happen if this or that is or isn't done.


Both daughter and I know we did the very best we could out of love and respect for both my husband/her father, my mother/her grandmother. Those who do not understand may do so of their own choosing and those who find fault were generally those who did not come close to walking an inch, a foot or a mile in our "moccasins" as the old saying goes.


This is not a life of our choosing. It's not what we wanted or planned.


Really, how many choices do we actually have that aren't governed by so many "what if's" and "but, then" and especially the feeling of wanting to "have your cake and eat it too" as another old saying goes.


In that last time, when my husband had the life support removed, as I knew he would want, with our three children gathered around the bed, it hurt to say goodbye, to tell him "We'll be all right, darling. You can go. We'll make it. "X" and I will make it. We understand. We love you." 


No. This was not what we wanted to do and not what I wanted to say but we were told all body systems were failing and I knew my husband was, even at a probable weight of what I weighed on our wedding day or less, a fighter and especially for us. Out of love. Out of caring.


We and He said goodbye. Mine was verbal, his was silent. It was the only way we could. We gave to one another our lives as we had on our wedding day. We gave the gift of love of the other and of ourselves surrounded by those who came from our joining together on that beautiful autumn day so many years before.


So, perhaps the garage sale will be tomorrow, but more likely it will be next Saturday and Sunday. And, that may be the best plan for that day. You see, we were married on October 19 and next Sunday will be another anniversary date.


Missed opportunity or Window of Opportunity?


When one door closes, another door or window opens. To sit outside, have people come as I have, stop to talk perhaps, find a commonality, see something that will be "perfect" for them -- a blessing. I know. I've spent time going to Garage Sales, spending a few dollars, finding something "just perfect" missing in my life or adding to my life; talking with the young and the old.


Most of all, I see lives very much like ours was. And it gives me peace. It gives me hope. It returns me to the community of the living and takes me on a trip to visit with those who have passed. For each,,, what they had, what they made and bought, were their choices in life.


We have had days and nights filled with sorrow and those filled with joy. Daughter and I made a promise: "We'll make it. You can go. We'll be all right."


And so we are keeping that promise. Sometimes one day at a time.

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