Monday, September 21, 2015

Care Giving: Cocooning With A Purpose?

We become "wrapped up" in our own lives after the caregiving for loved ones has ended.

We left regular life as we thought we knew it; we moved in another time and place as caregivers. 

We do it out of love, out of a sense of responsibility or for any of a dozen other reasons.

Sometimes it takes courage to look around, probe and find something that should have been obvious, should have been done days or weeks ago even after the care giving ends.

That's life. That's coping. That's survival.

For me, it was composing a couple of blog posts after some time of putting nose to grindstone, going to work, anticipating daughter's coming entry into full time work after months of preparation and sacrifice on both our parts. 

She attended a fast paced although often frustrating program meant to train her for a career, hope, a way out of our being on the wheel of life so many tread and we'd slipped onto.

I clicked through areas on my site where I can "administer" things. I found comments from readers.

I knew many were reading but longed for someone, anyone, to communicate. 

It was uplifting and then it was being dashed to the bottom of life, again, reading a blog by a writer who started writing in 2010 and is still adding a few comments although it appears her father has passed and her mother has just passed.

Courage and dedication from this writer you can see for yourself. On the website you can click through to the latest entry I've just read. 

She was the youngest, she cared for two parents she details as both being abusive during her life with them. 

Believe she mentioned there was a gap between her and another or others in years of birth being substantial -- like my daughter and my sons. Yet she stood by them, cared for them when others turned away, walked away or simply "went on with their own lives".

Although daughter and I have a great relationship like Mom and I had, I'm concerned about the years to come. 

So many choices. So little real direction. 

But I will walk this road at a much more informed and capable pace than my mother and my husband. 

Their lives have provided this insight, this knowledge -- unwanted at the time but so necessary now.

Advertisments on TV make it look so simple. Buy this Long Term Insurance, make a Will or other provisions including all the documents to try to "cover" every possibility. 

Wish it was that simple.

The variables and the outside challenges aren't always predictable. 

So much that should be done takes funding and takes planning. 

Even with that, there is no guarantee our loved ones won't encounter challenges, life struggles.

Who would have envisioned two immediate family members both needing extensive round the clock care; the invasion of our lives by an outsider who gained our trust and then used Undue Influence to tear our family apart? 


Who would have believed this would be done with the assistance of those we're told to trust and believe in and who we must turn to in times of need -- Medicaid, DHSS, Ombudsmen (VOYCE in our area), bankers, friends and even some family members?

Read almost any blog on surviving as a Caregiver where there are any challenges detailed and you'll see the same story with slightly different variations on a theme -- the theme of Senior Services Non Existent or Greatly Reduced.

Red Tape so long it would stretch to the edges of the galaxy and people around you who can't believe, don't want to believe, or simply cannot see the challenges, the daily strifes and the losses experienced by Caregivers.


Yes, we build a cocoon or rather, it's built for us. 

Each of us builds the cover that surrounds us, the one we believe protects those we care for and ourselves.
It closes around us even when we believe we see light.

Then comes the day when we begin to emerge.
We're changed. We have new abilities. 
What will we do with what we've learned, what we've seen and what we now know?

Choices. Changes. Cocooning With A Purpose?

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