Thursday, April 18, 2013

Mom's Moving ... No She's Divorcing... Her Delusionary Husband

It's happening again. Mom's moving. Not to another SNC but "Lawrence" (the man she recently married in a hallucination/delusion) is coming to get her and move her out and away. Her "knight" is coming to the rescue.

Then a few days pass and he's a horrible person who's having an affair with her (totally bedridden) roommate or who was married when he married her and she's getting a divorce. Mom moves in many different directions these days. Her life is life a soap opera but she hasn't watched TV for months.

I don't believe Lewy Body Dementia is the origin of this particular "storyline" with all it's variations and nuances. It's exceptionally detailed; always providing "answers" often days later when I've had questions or made comments responding to Mom's remarks that leave her without an answer. It's interesting how Mom's "new remarks" coincide with visits from JH.

Yes, Mom is coherent on many occassions although in the last week she's had more difficulty finding words and expressions and sometimes her conversations are full of going off on tangents and partial subjects. We're in another transition; another part of our journey with LBD.

Mom often mentions "the woman" and refers to her as "a Nurse" who she "trusts" and who always seems to have "answers" or provides specific information. The most recent was telling Mom she knew how to get a divorce that didn't cost anything and could be done quickly. Hmmmmm.  A divorce for a hallucination/delusion? 

I consider all possibilities. Perhaps someone working in the facility is thinking she's "helping" by giving Mom this "input". I've spoken to every Nurse and Aide and each one says they redirect and try to get her on to another topic not encourage the anger and hostility or upset by adding to the hallucination/delusion.

Going along with delusions/hallucinations to the point of encouraging development and specific direction is not in any materials I've read about how to handle delusions and hallucinations with Dementia, especially Lewy Body Dementia. Since Mom gets upset, worries, becomes angry and lashes out at caregivers and others, someone who handled a relationship with her in this way is causing more harm than good. An RN, which JH is, the woman who's been in our lives as Mom's "friend" and who has used Undue Influence, knows better.

My concern for the past few months watching this "soap opera" from around Christmas and continuing almost four months while being interspersed with times when Mom "forgets" about the "soap opera" and redirects her attention to attacking me, is how long and how varied the story has become.

A couple of days ago the "plot thickened" and Mom was adamant she needed to prove she was a "good person" and had no debts and to do this she needed her Social Security Card and photo ID. She also wanted to keep a copy of a Deed to a small piece of land (smaller than most homes are built on) which is landlocked and originally belonged to her Mother; land Mom had given to me many years ago as her only child and because she wanted to "keep it in the family" and she also didn't want to pay the yearly taxes (small as they are).

Let's see:  SS and Photo ID.  At one point early in 2010 when JH was just beginning to "befriend" Mom she made a Dr's apt for Mom for an eye exam when I simply asked her if she knew of a good eye Dr. JH sent me an email letting me know the time and day she made the apt (her convenience, not mine) and wanted Mom's SS number and her birthdate. 

Today, I'm wiser and sadly no longer have my husband's chronic and critical medical condition 24/7 uppermost in my mind as he's passed. JH played her game of preying on the elderly like the Tennis she's excelled at for so many years, watching for her opponents weakness and using it to her advantage.

We're more evenly matched, now, JH, and I see more clearly how deceitful you are. I've found the Lewy Body Dementia Association and succeeded in getting a diagnosis of LBD. Today I have resources both online and locally to help me understand Dementia and living in a Skilled Nursing Facility. Today I have the research I've done on JH and put together the puzzle pieces realizing her actions reflect those of an elder predator and in time she will make that mistake that will finally end her ability to abuse the elderly.

Today we ride the train of broken dreams together, Mom and I.  We've ridden it before and we've supported one another and survived to greet another, better day.   Mom's dreams are now fantasies often called hallucinations/delusions in the elderly.

We are three generations of women who stand together, stand with one another and support one another.

It will eventually be game, set, match for JH; a woman who still loves to play competitive tennis where the name of the game is finding your competition's weak spot and keep driving the ball faster and harder in that area.

We've begun playing on a different court, new rules, and, we have better equipment.

JH, you're outmatched.

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