JH Is A Magician:Visible/Invisible:Her Disappearing Act

JH is quite the "magician" and has been since Mom entered the first Skilled Nursing Center in November, 2010.

I believe she's constantly making Mom's clothing and personal items disappear and reappear. Of course, as JH has told us about the report made to the Elder Abuse Hotline and Mom's missing money, I'm sure she'd say again, "You can't prove it."

Now you see JH, now you don't:  JH visits Mom at least once a week and sometimes more frequently. The facility finally put in a Visitor Sign In Sheet a few months ago but JH has been observed "passing by" the book and having to be reminded to "sign in" and "sign out". Observers have commented sometimes she listens and sometimes she ignores their requests.

Recently, JH has signed in with a scrawl instead of a legible signature and the name of the person she's visiting (my Mom) is also scrawled. Why make that difficult to read?  What's the point of trying to hide her identity or the identity of the person she visits? 

JH is observed as always visiting wearing scrubs.

I' m sure she claims she's working and dressed to work as a caregiver but it also gives her the ability to "fit in" and "blend in" as facility caregivers, the ones working there, come and go at different times as do Private Duty Nurses or Caregivers.

The facility was using many outside, contracted staff,and this practice is very common. JH is actively involved in working in the Senior Services community and very aware her presence, if she doesn't sign in, would be less noticeable as facility regular staff members would most probably think she was a Temp or with another patient on another floor.

JH knows all the ins and outs and how to get around. I'm sure she's even used the Service Elevator acting as though she works there.

Recent additions to the Reception Staff in the last few months enable JH to walk right by as though she was going to work when entering. JH is very observant; we believe she learned early on as an award winning Tennis player in college and as a ranking amateur tennis player today, how to size up the competition, look for their vulnerabilities, aim for those specific areas to gain the advantage.

Fortunately, and I recommend this to everyone who has a loved one move out of their home into a facility, I took pictures of everything I sent with Mom and everything I took for her to go through with the intent of packing away what she didn't want or need at the time.

This came in handy when JH "took over" and removed everything to her home "because Mom wanted JH to". They proved invaluable as a means of letting JH know we were very aware of what she was "keeping" and not bringing for Mom to use. It also convinced JH we knew exactlly what was "missing" from everything she claimed to have returned when I finally regained my relationship with Mom, her trust and Mom's wanting me to keep her things, again, for her.

I've taken to making lists of what Mom has in her room at any time; we often switch out seasonal clothing or I take things she decides she no longer "wants" or has lost the ability to use like pants with drawstrings she cannot tie or buttons at the waist she can no longer unbutton.

I also try to continue to take pictures with my cell phone from time to time especially when I notice items missing.  

Interesting how there are only two people in one room (Mom and her roommate, W), we do all the laundry, and things just happen not to be there one day that were there the day before. Then a few days or even a few weeks later, like "MAGIC", one or more items reappear. Interesting, too, how disappearances seem to follow a "visit" from "the Magician", JH.

An Example: Visiting and taking all Mom's laundry needing to be washed and rearranging all her clean clothes ensuring she has sets of clothing and additional pieces is a regular, daily chore. 

Returning the following day, checking the laundry hamper, one item, a blouse she wants for later in the week but wore the day before, isn't in the laundry hamper or anywhere else in her room including all drawers and under all furniture -- or even in any of her roommate's drawers or under her furniture.

ONE ITEM DISAPPEARING INTO THIN AIR. Checking the facility laundry, checking with staff, ensuring Mom's roommate doesn't have it among her things (W is incapable of getting out of bed or a reclining chair they use for her).

TIME PASSES AND !VOILA! THE ITEM OR ANOTHER THAT'S ALSO DISAPPEARED "MAGICALLY REAPPEARS". 

It doesn't return where it disappeared from and not "returned" as a mistakenly taken item by Housekeeping to launder or by anyone else. It's "hidden" underneath items Mom seldom uses, in a drawer with unrelated items, under the bed, under Mom's chair -- all areas I thoroughly searched because I noticed one or more things were once again "MISSING".

I believe JH thinks we'll believe Mom is "totally losing it" constantly "misplacing things" and get her highly medicated. Not going to happen, JH; we see the game you've been playing with Mom's mind. Mom may have LBD, she definitely has decreasing mental abilities, but we can see the Undue Influence used to try to manipulate and control Mom's relationship with us, her life, her relationship with the facility and our lives.

A friend asked why I think this happens. I believe it's a "game" JH plays to confuse and anger Mom and to alienate Mom from her family.

It's a game she's played well in the first sets but now that the game has advanced to the finals, JH's game is seen for what it is and has been.

Our strategies are developed and we're playing her game no longer in the dark but with the lights on and constantly looking for higher wattage to see more clearly every move, every play.

Before Mom and my relationship started returning to previous levels (Pre JH levels), Mom would say I took whatever was missing or she couldn't find. I was always the culprit I've been the "villain", the "abuser", the "uncaring daughter". JH is also a great painter of portraits of people in a distorted and dark way.

I believe JH had built that emotional response in Mom from all her "consultations" taking Mom for "private" talks before Mom entered the first facility during the time my husband was in his last weeks on this earth.

JH wasn't given the access she wanted/needed in our home to find out if Mom had more money stashed somewhere, perhaps a life insurance policy or some stocks and bonds JH could get her to sign over or gain power over. I was the gatekeeper and JH couldn't get past as often and in the ways she wanted to make her "association" with Mom financially beneficial.

Getting Mom permanently into a facility would give JH access when she wanted, for how long she wanted and how she wanted. Our State like so many others provides Long Term Care Residents with the right to see who they want to see and doesn't consider this "right" paves the way for Elder Abusers to use Undue Influence and to take money and other valuables from the elderly.

You see, once in the first facility, JH made sure Mom changed her mailing address and had access to Mom's mail as she visited frequently.  Mom had given JH the right to "take things" to keep in JH's house. I don't believe Mom meant any important papers but I'm sure JH would contend Mom did.

Why do Ibelieve JH went through and took some of Mom's private communication/important papers?

I'd needed to find Mom's Social Security end of year statement for tax purposes as she'd lived with us for ten of the twelve months and we'd always taken her as a deduction.

No paperwork could be found in her room at the facility all of January, February and well into March. I was ready to call the SSA and ask how to get another copy when suddenly the document "magically appeared" in Mom's metal box she always used to hold important papers and had at the facility albeit without some papers including a recent Passport I did not feel she needed in the facility.

It's our belief JH used the State Elder Abuse Hotline to purposely and intentionally make a false report, using her position as an RN, a caregiver, experienced and specializing in the elderly, to gain immediate acceptance of her "claims" and bypass a more thorough investigation.

Another Blog Entry for a later time: 
Manipulation and Control of the Elderly for Personal Gain

Portrait of JH's Abuse of Mom and Our Family