Sunday, February 22, 2015

Justified Anger

Mom's Undue Influencer played games with Mom and with us

Just like the tennis she loved and still plays competitively, she seemed to enjoy "slamming" Mom and us by removing something -- clothing, jewelry, makeup, anything we brought or provided -- and then it would "reappear".  

Yes, I realize other residents can "borrow" items but many of these things did not have Mom's name on them and they would come and go right after Julia visited -- which seems to be a pattern other than a resident "shopping" in Mom's room. Besides, we were friends with many staff and they would tell us they looked everywhere -- as did we-- to no avail. 

This woman seemed to enjoy setting people up for a major "slam" in life as much as she has during her many years of playing competitive tennis.

She seemed to enjoy playing games with people even if they don't know they're participating

Did she do it to try to keep or place another wedge between Mom and us? 
Did she do it because she derived pleasure from watching Mom be confused? 
Did she do it to try to advance Mom's Dementia or to have the facility or us see Mom as having more advanced Dementia?

to provide more guidelines as to what is considered Elder Abuse to the Hotline.

I like to believe I had a positive effect on getting this much needed adjustment. That some good has come from the tragedy of what we experienced.

How much has she gained from this little enterprise she's had for years?

Mom said the woman had gotten a new car not too long after Mom's Social Security money Mom had been accumulating for several months had "disappeared" from our home. 

It was also shortly after Mom "permanently moved" into the first facility.

It was also not very long after Julia had taken Mom to the bank, opened a safety deposit box with her and kept both keys.  

We knew Mom's burial fund was missing, money we'd worked to accumulate for Mom and let her keep in her room, but we didn't think about Mom's months of Social Security.

Looking back, it's easy to understand. From the time Mom received her first Social Security Check when she was 62 (she was then 95), she controlled every penny of the money deciding what to do with it. Most of it went on trips all over the world (along with significant sums we were able to provide as our businesses grew and were successful), gifts for grand children and then great grandchildren.

THIS WOMAN WAS AWARE OF THIS PRACTICE. You see, I was stupid, I admit it. Julia befriended me by befriending my Mother; she knew I was vulnerable and she knew Mom was strongly into Dementia and I’m almost certain she knew it was Lewy Body Dementia based on what I shared with her about Mom’s behaviour.

NOT A PENNY PAID TO US OVER ALMOST FORTY YEARS BY MOM FOR any part of her living or any needs she had -- we paid for whatever she needed and she offered a few dollars here and there -- even though she lived in our home, part of a multi generational family unit, from the time she was 57 until the woman tore our family apart accusing me of Elder Abuse to the Missouri Hotline -- financial and emotional.

When you don't handle money, you don't think about it. When you're faced with a husband critically and chronically ill, constantly at the hospital, enduring endless days of not knowing what next medical challenge might separate you and finally seeing a possible light with an end to the hospitalization, rehab and "coming home"  but facing 24/7 care giving for two, you live from day to day and sometimes minute to minute often not thinking but just reacting.

Yes, Mom received her SS money once a month and I took her to the bank or went and brought her back every penny. But, quite honestly, looking back and even yet today, survival living isn't conducive to planning, thinking or even considering options. 

You move as though you live in Jello and one day is the same as the last and the next.

STILL TODAY. This woman walks among us. As far as I know, she’s still “caring for” the elderly with Dementia of “advanced stages” and still a part of our Church’s St Vincent de Paul Society managing the home visits and getting to know who in the community has what needs – especially the elderly.

This woman is shrewd. She is calculating. And she probably believes she deserves whatever she “takes” or “receives” from the elderly she “serves”. After all, they can’t use it and don’t need it. She does.

A planner and someone who’s used to winning at games in life.

This woman moves among you as she moved among us. Every day I hope and pray someone will be better at catching her in the act and end her career of undue influence and abuse of Seniors. 

This woman called the Elder Abuse Hotline, she knows the consequences for Elder Abuse in the State of Missouri are incarceration. Believe the new law would consider what we believe but find difficult to prove because it was cash, the amount qualifies as a Class C Felony 

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