Timeless Circle of Life & Love

Some girls want and get very special proposals and many let their "intendeds" know what they expect from that day forward.

Magazines and books call that many things including positive assertiveness and clarifying expectations. I wonder ...

Our relationship, our marriage, had a natural ability to communicate and a love for one another that was genuine, selfless and supportive. 

Oh, we had some bumps along the way, but the underlying respect and care for and about one another, of our individual families and of the family we were forming, was the guiding light, the strength and the support of our marriage.

We shopped together for my ring. A local, small, neighborhood jeweler. 

Ironically, the store had been robbed just a week or so before and their selection was very limited. The owner said he'd be bringing in more once he received the insurance settlement but there was this one ring, a solitaire in a marquis cut that caught my eye and I knew it was perfect, just like our plans for a life together. 

Yes, I was that typical "newly engaged" young woman with dreams and hopes anticipating so much and never considering anything but positive years ahead.

And we found a ring for him, too. 

At the time, wedding bands with diamonds in them for men were a little "forward thinking" but it, too, was one that "remained" and caught my eye. 

Three stones across a band, a complete circle.

We often teased one another about how the stones represented each child we brought into this world through our love for one another. 

A symbol and a remembrance.

In "my ring", the diamond was paired with a wedding band that was designed to fit around the style of the stone. Some friends believed this was "bad luck" and said the wedding band should always be one continuous circle.

Looking back, even when we chose to redesign the ring and purchased a different wedding band, one that was a continuous circle and had side stones added to the solitaire and changed from the white gold (popular at the time we were married) to yellow gold, our life's luck didn't really change -- we still had challenges and loses, great opportunities and wonderful memories.

With his passing, I kept wearing this special gift he gave me so many years before. 

Sometimes I wondered what others thought about my choice but then I remembered how insignificant their voices were as some speculated (even within hearing of immediate family members) about how long I'd "really" be a "widow".

As time passed, I occasionally removed the two rings but I felt naked without any ring on my left hand.

I tried a black stone ring and placed it on my third finger left hand. It wasn't a real stone but the design was very traditional and I felt reflected the simplicity and "mourning" feeling I had. However, when the "metal" began to wear and left behind a residue of green, I thought this was not the way to transition and went back to the rings I knew and loved.

Recently, I've found another ring. Think it's one my daughter picked up when she was much younger. 

The stone is purple, amethyst if it were real, which it isn't. It even has two "diamonds"-- clear, white glass, I'm sure, on the sides. 

My daughter loved the color purple and I'm sure that's why this ring. Was it for a Mother's Day or birthday? I can't remember now. I know she didn't have much money of her own when she was young so treasure how she used some of it, no matter what the amount, to give me this gift of her love.

I've placed it on my third finger left hand. Just can't get used to putting any rings on my right hand without something on my left. I feel naked. I feel "lost".

It's a personal choice, I know. So then why do I wonder what to do, what to wear, IF I should wear and WHAT I should wear?

I've seen some "widows" wearing their rings as though nothing has changed, on their left hands as they did when there was truly a couple represented.

I've seen some "widows" wearing their rings on their right hands and suppose that's one transition to consider. I love my rings, still.

Then, there's the switching of the "engagement" ring to the right hand or to the third finger on the left hand.

I find rings on the right hand a slight inconvenience. Even though we're somewhat leaving behind the old custom of shaking hands, even in business, I've had fingers crushed by men (and a few women) and felt the pain of edges pushed into skin and bone.

Day to day, it really doesn't matter. Love isn't in tangible objects, it's what we have inside and give to others. 

Love Is Eternal. Love can go on. Love is to be shared. 

I will continue to move forward, treasuring the past, looking forward to the future, above all measuring life by the treasures of time given, taken and made .... together.