Legal Duty To Support Our Parents -- Many States Have Laws

Since beginning this Blog in 2012 my journey through aging, medical challenges, dementia, family challenges and personal survival, I've found my entries often move in directions I wasn't directly exploring at the time.

Chance, luck, fate, meant to be....take your choice. Whatever it is, I feel the need to share and enlighten because these life's journeys will most likely be one almost everyone at varying ages and life circumstances will take -- in one form or another.

I focus on a subject and start detailing or remembering what's happened or currently occurring and then use this amazing social tool called "the internet " or conversations in my community.

This leads to my discovering often startling information that causes me even greater concern for myself and others travelling this ever changing personal life road involving ourselves, our family and the community in general.

A "legal duty to support our parents"?  Had no idea this existed. 

Morally, I agree with this concept; however, in reality, I question a society that has to make this law and doesn't recognize the importance of medical care as a "right" for all ages and stages.

And, one step further, do you go to a store to purchase something without seeing a price? 

We walk through the doors of medical services every day without a clear idea of what it will cost and without knowing what "the competition" charges.

Variable, you say. Depends on "what happens". 

I can accept that for some medical services but not for those that are "standard" and that includes shots, regular check ups (and what that includes), specific laboratory tests and others.

We're at the "mercy" of the medical system. Yes, they provide "free" and "reduced" care but they also could be more "transparent" in the care they charge.

Medicare has deductibles and for many Seniors, that is a challenge along with costs for "above" their coverage levels.

...OR at the very least a full disclosure of the medical costs and the ability to compare services as one can when shopping for other goods and services.

This topic really grabbed me because during my Mom's journey through Long Term Care facilities she had post hospital stays in more than one facility.

I mentioned being given a contract to sign -- ME -- not her -- and in the many pages was a short statement that I would be responsible for her bill. I refused to sign. I was not in a financial position after my husband's medical challenges to take on costs I had no idea what they would include and how many thousands of dollars could accumulate.

They were a "multi state" operation and apparently their "standard contract" contained inclusions that may or may not have been "legal" in my state.

If I'd signed the contract....an attorney friend told me I would have been responsible and could have been sued.

Even for a "short term" stay of 30 days, since they determined the services "necessary" and create the "paperwork" (and who among us wants to deprive someone we love of "medical care" )-- this could have been money we needed for daily living (and it would have been) or caused us to possibly even sell our home to "meet our obligations".

Frightening isn't it?  Our parents are growing much older and so are we. We are their children and at a time in life when our "resources" are limited or affected by our own medical and other life challenges it's possible we may be legally obliged to pay even when it could be a hardship.

Yes, the law states if you are "capable" but we all know that's an interpretation and depends on who's making the determination. At the very least, it can involve hiring your own attorney, time spent in this "legal matter" you don't have and money put out for your "defense".

Please note:  I see no reference to a date when the information below was entered on the internet. Suggest reviewing to ensure you understand any and all updates, changes and additions of other States by going to your own State's information in this area.

Also, don't know if there's "cross responsibility" -- not sure how an adult child living in one state and a parent living in another will be affected and by which or both state's laws.

"States with filial responsibility laws are: Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia." 

Not every State has a law; here's the reference:

Filial Responsibility: Can the Legal Duty to Support Our Parents Be Effectively Enforced? by Shannon Frank Edelstone, appearing in the Fall 2002 issue of the American Bar Association's Family Law Quarterly, 36 Fam. L.Q. 501 (2002). Lexic.com

https://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/health/NOA/30states.pdf

Your obligation to pay a parent's nursing home bill is another resource to read:

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/your-obligation-pay-parents-nursing-home-bill.html

We took responsibility for my Mom's day to day living through being a multigenerational family where Mom retained all her Social Security and spent it when and where she chose and we paid all the "ordinary"expenses of living and some of her "extras" -- often providing additional money for her to travel or purchase larger items -- bed, furniture, room decor, etc. 

This was how we lived from the time Mom came to live with us when our first child was three months old until she went into a facility through the actions of Julia I've written about in several earlier entries. That was almost four decades.

Mom had no property and no resources aside from Social Security and that was at a very low level as Mom was a very low wage earner.

We finally applied for Medicaid as it provided Day Care. 

I was coping with 24/7 caregiving for two and Mom deserved to have a more stimulating and social lifestyle than we could provide when my husband was basically "home bound".

Most of his time after spending 100 days in the hospital, almost all in Critical Intensive Care, was in a medical bed with as many as four bags taped across his abdomen as his skin constantly broke open and the contents of his "processing" of what he could tolerate to eat dumped into the bags which constantly needed to be changed.

What if my state would have decided I "had" the ability since we had a home when Mom started needing medical care (before my husband had his medical challenges) and we were "held responsible" for her bills .....?

And then there's the consideration of the responsibility to care for "parents" and that would have meant, if they were living, two people for each of us, my husband and myself, bringing to our lives the "responsibility" of paying for care IF each of them could not pay or did not have assets or other means OR if we were seen as "having the ability"......

Where are we headed as a society? 

What can we do?

This is not just a discussion among Seniors and their children.

GenX, Millenials and the GenZ's and those who come after are facing these challenges and they have no idea they exist, have no idea what "responsbilities" are being "thrust" upon them.

Each generation deserves to know more about decisions and practices that not only limit their daily activities and actions but also those in place that are silently and behind closed doors affecting the future they work so hard and often struggle to create.

Life happens. Medical expenses and other life challenges can take away what you've worked for decades to provide. 

In a heartbeat life can change. 

In a heartbeat you find out about laws and practices taking you from independence to interdependence.  

It's a system that's only going to change when we realize how critical it is to watch, to speak out and to move forward along with positive change in other life practices.

You hold the keys not just at the Polls when you vote but everyday when those you elect or appoint, those who make decisions governing your daily life create these and other laws.

If you do nothing else, at least shine the light as I'm trying to do through raising awareness of what's "out there" and find a way to make a difference.

Raise your voice towards those who are heard and especially those who "control" your present and your future.

You are the key to the many locks in life you encounter.