Originally written
more as a "Diary"
June 17, 2015.
Yes, I wrote
that long ago.
Did not have the
"courage" to share.
Did not believe anyone
would read or care.
To put thoughts
on a page
I could return to
when the loss
of loved ones
and the challenges
rise to the surface.
Just stepped back
a few months
to December 2023,
someone telling me to
"Get Over It!
He's been gone
a long time . . . ."
words that demean, attack.
Death of a spouse.
Couple with the death
of a beloved Mother
who'd lived with you
for almost four decades.
Loss of family
Is loss of self.
It takes more
than time can tell.
it's more than just
"someone passing"
and you move forward.
It's a major life change
affecting daily living.
Does it fade with time
or only if someone
enters your life?
Can the pain and loss
be replaced with
more positive thoughts?
Your spouse has passed.
Your spouse has passed.
You get letters and cards
honoring the person.
Friends and acquaintances
express their condolences,
their concerns for you --
for a while.
You must move on.
It's time to stop grieving.
You have a life to live.
He would have wanted you to.
Life goes on.
That's it.
Adjust. Move on.
Looking back
Looking back
I remember
sermons in Church
after my husband passed
about the "goodness"
of the single life, of
remaining true to the one
that's been "lost".
I didn't really
I didn't really
get the message
back then.
Since I've chosen
to move beyond that place,
I somehow find the memories
of those advisories
to be directed towards me,
even though I had no thought then,
or do I now, of "moving on"
with someone else.
My daughter had mentioned
My daughter had mentioned
there was someone, a man,
who wondered how long
I'd "stay a widow".
Maybe a son remembers
He thought I'd remarry quickly.
Why? I wonder.
Didn't bother to ask.
Had no interest in having
any conversation with him.
That was January 2011,
That was January 2011,
my husband's funeral.
Husband and I had
a special bond
forged over melding
similarities and differences
from our first meeting
to our last time together.
Some people just don't have
Some people just don't have
what used to be
referred to as "class"
to say that in front of
an immediate family member.
But then
But then
there's no accounting
for people's inability
to have what was also called
"manners" or the foresight
to know what to say,
when to say it,
and where to say it.
Oh, well. Moving forward.
We're allowed to talk
Oh, well. Moving forward.
We're allowed to talk
about the pet we had as a child
and how much we missed
the dog, cat or even goldfish
when it died --
but people don't really want to hear
about a dead spouse.
There is life in the here and now after death.
There is life in the here and now after death.
For some it's a return to normal.
For others it's life continuing down a path
somewhat planned, somewhat by chance,
moving forward, sometimes looking back.
Maybe a son remembers
it's still a difficult time --
Father's Day and His Birthday,
Our Anniversary.
Perhaps it's because
Perhaps it's because
my husband passed
at a time in life
when we were supposed
to be beginning
to enjoy our "freedom"
from work, from the everyday.
A new start.
Now singular rather than plural.
