Long Term Widow Survivor

Originally written 

more as a "Diary"

June 17, 2015.

Yes, I wrote 

that long ago.

Did not have the 

"courage" to share.

Did not believe anyone

would read or care.

 

To put thoughts 

on a page 

I could return to 

when the loss 

of loved ones 

and the challenges 

rise to the surface.

Just stepped back 

a few months

to December 2023, 

someone telling me to 

"Get Over It! 

He's been gone 

a long time . . . ." 

words that demean, attack.

It's like an indelible stamp. 

Death of a spouse.

 

Couple with the death 

of a beloved Mother 

who'd lived with you 

for almost four decades.

Loss of family 

Is loss of self.

It takes more

than time can tell.

it's more than just 

"someone passing" 

and you move forward. 

It's a major life change 

affecting daily living.

Does it fade with time 

or only if someone

enters your life? 

Can the pain and loss

be replaced with 

more positive thoughts?

Your spouse has passed. 

You get letters and cards 

honoring the person. 

Friends and acquaintances 

express their condolences,  

their concerns for you -- 

for a while.

You must move on.

It's time to stop grieving.

You have a life to live.

He would have wanted you to.

Life goes on. 

That's it. 

Adjust. Move on. 

Looking back 

I remember 

sermons in Church 

after my husband passed 

about the "goodness" 

of the single life, of

remaining true to the one 

that's been "lost".  

I didn't really 

get the message 

back then.

 

Since I've chosen 

to move beyond that place, 

I somehow find the memories 

of those advisories 

to be directed towards me, 

even though I had no thought then, 

or do I now, of "moving on" 

with someone else.

My daughter had mentioned 

there was someone, a man, 

who wondered how long

I'd "stay a widow".

He thought I'd remarry quickly. 

Why?  I wonder. 

Didn't bother to ask. 

Had no interest in having 

any conversation with him.

That was January 2011, 

my husband's funeral. 

Husband and I had 

a special bond 

forged over melding 

similarities and differences 

from our first meeting 

to our last time together.

Some people just don't have

what used to be 

referred to as "class" 

to say that in front of 

an immediate family member.

But then 

there's no accounting 

for people's inability 

to have what was also called

 "manners" or the foresight 

to know what to say, 

when to say it, 

and where to say it.

Oh, well.  Moving forward.

We're allowed to talk

about the pet we had as a child

and how much we missed 

the dog, cat or even goldfish 

when it died -- 

but people don't really want to hear 

about a dead spouse.

There is life in the here and now after death. 

For some it's a return to normal.

For others it's life continuing down a path 

somewhat planned, somewhat by chance,

 moving forward, sometimes looking back.

Maybe a son remembers

it's still a difficult time -- 

Father's Day and His Birthday, 

Our Anniversary.

Perhaps it's because 

my husband passed 

at a time in life 

when we were supposed 

to be beginning 

to enjoy our "freedom" 

from work, from the everyday.

A new start.

Now singular rather than plural.