Ever hear someone say about a person with Dementia how "childlike" they are?
To me, that has a "negative" connotation.
Negative because we don't usually say to a child, "you're so childlike".
And we don't say to those who are beyond a certain age as Adults, "you're so adult".
We feel perfectly comfortable, though, referring to the actions and behaviors in Seniors as "childlike" and allowing ourselves to believe this is acceptable and expected aging.
We fail to recognize Dementia isn't one size fits all and Seniors have the ability to take offense at hearing this "labeling" of themselves or others in this way.
When we use the term "childlike" we often believe the person this refers to is incapable of understanding, or hearing what was said. They often do and they often are.
Those assignments of behavior values are generally used when we're comparing and contrasting actions and words to expectations of what we think should be seen or heard.
If, however, we use a comparison once used with men versus women (that's "feminine" or that's "masculine", for example) we would be looked at by society as being "chauvinistic" or "feminist".
As a society, we need to remove this Senioristic set of labels that starts early in today's life expectancy.
Too soon we begin to devalue individuals with "Seniorism" and "Ageism" and then we feel comfortable with adding additional labels, e.g., "childlike".
Demoralizing, demeaning and unflattering. We spend years of our life working to leave this time behind, to become independent, self sufficient, capable, productive and more. Then to be told, or have someone talk about those around us, in our age group or a little older, they're "childlike"?
It's offensive for those who can hear and understand and those are who should be considered. It's as offensive as talking about someone's religion, skin color, sexuality, gender.
In the United States age denotes ability; advancing age or achieved age brings specific and absolute levels of ability and capability seen as "good" or "not good". You are categorized and pigeonholed for achieving what we all aim for -- gaining life experience and knowledge. A few are accepted and even revered, most are set aside and walked away from.
We should weigh carefully our choice of descriptive words.
Using "childlike" can be seen as "loving, caring and wanting to protect" someone. Those actions may be seen as well intentioned, however, they also act as a lessening of the value of a person.
Just try calling an adult woman a "girl" or adult man a "boy", especially if they happen to be of a certain ethnicity and see how acceptable your "endearment" of "She's such a nice girl" or "He's really a great boy" is taken.
Childlike because of their seemingly constant smiles like one woman I visit in Mom's old facility? Because of her constant mantra "Honey", "Honey", "Honey"?
Or perhaps like another woman who always seems to be frowning and everything she says has a "negative sound" like she's angry-- who would be characterized as someone mad at the world and probably always has been.
The first woman's response may be part of her earlier adult life when she interacted with perhaps a husband or family member and her pet name for them was "Honey". Now, this piece of memory remains and she looks for this person all around her and calls out for him/her as her mind reaches out using what remains of this memory.
The second woman may have led a life where being aggressive and assertive was part of her everyday life OR she might be reacting to what she sees and hears in the facility and it's her way of ensuring she keeps it from happening to her.
LABELS are a challenge to all ages and groups in society. They come with varying shapes and durability. Some can be temporary and others permanent. Many do not deserve the permanence or the strength/durability they're given.
To me, that has a "negative" connotation.
Negative because we don't usually say to a child, "you're so childlike".
And we don't say to those who are beyond a certain age as Adults, "you're so adult".
We feel perfectly comfortable, though, referring to the actions and behaviors in Seniors as "childlike" and allowing ourselves to believe this is acceptable and expected aging.
We fail to recognize Dementia isn't one size fits all and Seniors have the ability to take offense at hearing this "labeling" of themselves or others in this way.
When we use the term "childlike" we often believe the person this refers to is incapable of understanding, or hearing what was said. They often do and they often are.
Those assignments of behavior values are generally used when we're comparing and contrasting actions and words to expectations of what we think should be seen or heard.
If, however, we use a comparison once used with men versus women (that's "feminine" or that's "masculine", for example) we would be looked at by society as being "chauvinistic" or "feminist".
As a society, we need to remove this Senioristic set of labels that starts early in today's life expectancy.
Too soon we begin to devalue individuals with "Seniorism" and "Ageism" and then we feel comfortable with adding additional labels, e.g., "childlike".
Demoralizing, demeaning and unflattering. We spend years of our life working to leave this time behind, to become independent, self sufficient, capable, productive and more. Then to be told, or have someone talk about those around us, in our age group or a little older, they're "childlike"?
It's offensive for those who can hear and understand and those are who should be considered. It's as offensive as talking about someone's religion, skin color, sexuality, gender.
In the United States age denotes ability; advancing age or achieved age brings specific and absolute levels of ability and capability seen as "good" or "not good". You are categorized and pigeonholed for achieving what we all aim for -- gaining life experience and knowledge. A few are accepted and even revered, most are set aside and walked away from.
We should weigh carefully our choice of descriptive words.
Using "childlike" can be seen as "loving, caring and wanting to protect" someone. Those actions may be seen as well intentioned, however, they also act as a lessening of the value of a person.
Just try calling an adult woman a "girl" or adult man a "boy", especially if they happen to be of a certain ethnicity and see how acceptable your "endearment" of "She's such a nice girl" or "He's really a great boy" is taken.
Childlike because of their seemingly constant smiles like one woman I visit in Mom's old facility? Because of her constant mantra "Honey", "Honey", "Honey"?
Or perhaps like another woman who always seems to be frowning and everything she says has a "negative sound" like she's angry-- who would be characterized as someone mad at the world and probably always has been.
The first woman's response may be part of her earlier adult life when she interacted with perhaps a husband or family member and her pet name for them was "Honey". Now, this piece of memory remains and she looks for this person all around her and calls out for him/her as her mind reaches out using what remains of this memory.
The second woman may have led a life where being aggressive and assertive was part of her everyday life OR she might be reacting to what she sees and hears in the facility and it's her way of ensuring she keeps it from happening to her.
LABELS are a challenge to all ages and groups in society. They come with varying shapes and durability. Some can be temporary and others permanent. Many do not deserve the permanence or the strength/durability they're given.
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