Empty Hangers

"Friends" would ask:

You still have some of his things. 

Hanging in "his" closet or in "his" drawers? 

 

Give them away. Get rid of them. 

They're only reminders of what is no more.

It's time you moved on.

I want to scream, 

"Mind your own business."

You believe you mean well ... but...

Your words sting, they dig deep.

To you it's words of "caring"

To me it's words of "tearing apart".

Memories surround 

A widow/widower. 

Each person grieves 

moving forward -- 

in their own way.

Amazing, 

how you become "older" 

and even "less capable" 

to some family members 

when you lose a spouse. 

In their eyes  

and on their lips . . . 

Opening and closing, 

far more often, 

believing they have 

"the best advice" 

you MUST follow.

The "one remaining" 

seems to lose 

their ability 

to "think clearly". . .

in the eyes of the world 

and on their sharp tongues.

In many families,

the remaining Parent

becomes a target

due to the "child's"

inability to handle grief.

They point fingers,

say negative things

Anything to lessen 

their inability to share,

to come alongside.

Annoyances or challenges 

"the kids" may have,

become reflections 

of how the remaining "parent" 

did a poor job and therefore

"messed up their lives" forever.

If they haven't before, 

they'll probably cut the cord --

usually not until they ensure 

"what's in it for them" 

financially or otherwise". 

You finally succumb 

to momentous pressures 

you've risen to slay 

with your imaginary sword.

 

Perseverance, 

persistence, 

cry or show emotions 

reflecting your rejection 

of how you're being treated -- 

The response is almost always

"you're over reacting".

The Dictator of Death Reaction 

can have "mood swings" 

due to "change of life" 

or setbacks at work, 

for any reason,

but the "spouse" 

or "significant other" 

should just let it go.

I dare not show I'm human, 

just like you, 

because you'll think 

"there's something 

very wrong with me".

GET OVER IT. 

That's what I hear 

even when 

there's only silence.

Sometimes you have to 

go around, 

under, beside, 

between or over "IT".

 

Through many trials 

and tribulations, 

a little "help", 

a measure of 

"assistance" 

often provides 

the "teamwork" 

needed to move positively, 

progressively.

My second son 

talked about perspective 

when we were last together. 

As with so much in life, 

sometimes it's slight comments

that "stick" with you. 

He wasn't lecturing me, 

he was talking about 

a presentation he'd given 

to some younger 

and less experienced 

people where he works.

Once upon a time

I felt strange

Mentioning I had

GROWN CHILDREN . . .

Now?  

Grown Grand-Children!

His comment reflected 

on making statements 

about a group of numbers 

he presented. 

It showed the amount of time 

he spent traveling, 

how many weeks 

he was on the road, 

the amount of air miles 

he'd accumulated and more -- 

all in the space of a few months.

The positive . . . 

was how "successful" 

his efforts had been 

and how the group, 

as a whole, 

was moving towards their goal.

The negative 

came in the form 

of a text message 

from his oldest daughter 

about him not being around.

PERSPECTIVE.  

Life can often be point-of-view. 

Where you stand when you look 

and how you see.

A key to life, in my world, 

is realizing 

it's not just perspective,

it's more REALIZATION.  

Recognizing the need

to dig deeper, 

hear more completely. 

 

Listen and respect 

the other person's viewpoint 

even when it's not your own.

How long will I be "the widow"?

 

As with many other 

life experiences

I may not choose to be,

have the ability to control, 

or a way to foresee 

the answer to that question.