Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Time In A Bottle

A song from earlier in life, "Time in a Bottle" comes to mind ...

when I think about daughter and my experiences many Saturdays going to local Garage and Yard Sales...

It's become a ways and means of getting out, getting away, spending very little, usually a couple of dollars on an item we'd spend far more on in a store ....

while gaining a different perspective on our lives.

We see other people's lives set out on tables, displayed throughout homes they live/lived in ... collections, mementos, decor, clothing, items of everyday living....

It's been eye opening and healing to see--

There are others -- out there -- who've lived similar lifestyles, bought styles and items others now see as "worthless" and without merit -- especially my oldest son (yes, still a thorn in my side, unfortunately).

Why did I and do I allow this adverse influence to negatively affect me?  

Is it common for Mothers to continue to bear the challenges inflicted on them by grown children who have yet to mature or who may never reach that maturity where others are as important as and often more important than "self"?

Time has personal healing properties and I've been travelling the road of re-establishing my personal worth beyond oldest son's evaluations of me. 

Children . . . some never seem to completely grow up.

It's through my working to reinstate myself in the world and revaluing my self in my own eyes and not looking at the glass as half empty and not needing this son's approval, his favor, that I continue and know change is inevitable even if it's not in his actions, words or deeds.

Eyes are opened when you walk in the homes, the lives, of others.

There are the 

"weeders" -- those who've decided to sell unneeded or grown out of items -- mostly families who've moved past children of one age and not planning another "addition" so they sell to acquire, usually, for the next stage, the new levels of wants and needs.

"participators" -- those who get into a garage sale in their neighborhood or "try one on" to see if they can "move, get rid of, dump or sell" items they no longer want, need or may have as a part time business and a garage sale is an additional market.

"life changers" -- something is happening in their lives; they're moving to another location if they're younger or downsizing if they're older; or, sadly, a loss of one or more residents of the house, the home, where memories remain after items are removed OR like us, struggling to make ends meet and finding items they can "do without" or find no current use for to attempt to sell in this way or others.

Occasionally, as a recent past weekend, you walk through a life you don't know for certain but believe a catastrophe has occurred because of what is "left behind", what remains.

There are items from all family members, including children. Not items usually "given away" or "given up". 

We don't ask. We don't overhear any comments. We just "feel".

Items of little marketable value and not disposable or "get rid of" are what we usually find at the yard and garage sales. 

Then, there's the items that should be tossed or given to a secondary market (charity stores) but usually the "owners" have some attachment or need to try to make some money and so try to sell, often way above the worth of the article, at a garage/yard sale.

What's been helpful as we've moved forward with our lives, and especially to me as my oldest son has found so much "wrong" with the decisions we made, his father and I but mostly me, to purchase items for ourselves and our home is finding out how many others in our "age group" made the same choices, collected the same things, decorated in the same ways.

I remember having garage sales, one of many ways we tried to raise additional money when we were struggling to provide just the basics and pay the bills

Every quarter mattered and every dollar was carefully totaled adding to another ability to pay a bill or survive a little longer at the base minimal level we'd arrived at.

Care Giving is costly. It taxes your body, mind, spirit and finances when the person lives directly with you and when your means are not sufficient to provide the life they deserve, the life they need.

I wouldn't have lived any other way; I regret not one moment, and would do it again, willingly. 

There is no price that can be placed, no personal losses too extensive when a child, spouse or parent in a family needs you to be there for them in times of medical and personal challenges.

What was not needed, what was extremely harmful, were the suppositions and allegations of a family member and of an outsider, someone who was never a part of the lives of the family, who decided they "knew best" and that included acting in harmful, deceptive and what most would consider illegal ways without concern or care for the family unit they were affecting, the lives they were altering and changing -- forever.

This blog aims to enlighten, to share, to provide insights into the challenges and possibilities and to compare the footprints of generations then and now of individuals and of cultures who accept and who nurture throughout the lifetimes of their members.

To shine the light on realities and harshness; 
To benefit through knowledge and awareness; 
To give hope and to provide insight gained ...

as we continue to travel the road of moving onward with sometimes standing still, sometimes falling backwards and always picking up what's been dropped, what's fallen aside, what needs to be carried onward while leaving behind what should remain.

Let our footprints in the sands of time remain deep and clear and when we choose to pick up and carry someone for a distance, let's remember we are walking in bigger footsteps and being carried ourselves.

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