Where I have been . . . where I was .... where I am
Choices . . . so easy to analyze in the future you cannot see from the present where you are
Chances . . . taking risk, making decisions, believing in myself and . . .
So easy for others to negate. So easy to walk away.
Facing life is far more challenging than simply interacting .
Feeling like I'm on a carousel riding round and round, up and down with no stopping or starting just going in continual circles.
Reaching out into thin air with hand extended only to close on .....
Believing in tomorrow while honoring yesterday
Give it up, move on, look away . . . or silence, no support, no suggestions, no concern
Who Am I? Who I've Always Been. Different Now. Forever Changed.
Stepping into the future.
Eyes sometimes closed, sometimes squinting, sometimes wide open.
Listening. Talking. Sharing. Learning others walked a similar path and move down similar roads.
Who Am I? Who I've Always Been. Finding Myself. Again
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Dementia Goes By Many Names
Spreading the word about Lewy Body Dementia I've often explained the difference between LBD and Alzheimers as a line that's drawn like stair steps for Alzheimers and a scribble on a piece of paper with no visible beginning and no recognizable end for Lewy Body Dementia.
It's important we all stand up and speak out to raise awareness for Dementia and understand when we separate into "camps" of "types" we lose the ability to wage the major war necessary to stop its effects or even possibly end some or all of these Thiefs of Life.
Long Term Care Facilities and others need to step up and recognize the majority of their residents have some form of Dementia.
The tools we currently use to recognize Dementia are obsolete and the general population and even some medical professionals still believe the disease has to be overtly obvious.
This means the person has to demonstrate visible and possibly audible affects showing their mind is not capable.
My story, Her Story, is one of waging a battle against the status quo to move society into the brave new world of recognizing and realizing Dementia can be managed, can probably to some degree be detoured and may be handled without severe medical intervention but most importantly, MUST BE SEEN AND MUST BE RECOGNIZED.
ACCEPTANCE. Key #1
Focus on the person, where they are, with communication and compassion.
Understand the first line of defense is a community of support, a family that works with rather than administers or directs relationships along the way of life.
Those who listen, those who actively learn, make their path and the path of their loved ones less challenging and more rewarding.
LEARN ABOUT DEMENTIA. Key #2
We can learn more from networking and collaborating with agencies and organizations who have shown over the years to be "forward thinking" and effective in their ability to work with people with mental and emotional limitations.
TAKE/MAKE TIME. Key #3
Give your loved one and yourself time. In today's push-me-pull-you challenged society it's difficult but it's critical to a balanced life for them and for you.
UN-ISOLATE. Key #4
Dementia isolates. The person from themselves and the person from the family/care giver(s).
Sitting alone. Laying in bed. Staring out a single window.
Rights are important. Decisions should be honored.
Dementia is a medical challenge and with that comes responsibility to interact and assist.
DON'T DIRECT. INVOLVE. Key #5
Take cues from what you observe, listen to your tone of voice and move slowly and ensure you're in their line of vision, hearing and/or at their level and remember these "senses" may be affected by the Dementia and may vary.
The same great methods taught by leaders in the field of child and personal psychology can be applied with Dementia.
It's not an "I win" situation, it's a "we all win" plan.
LEARN AND PASS IT ON KEY #6
It's not easy. It takes time. You're busy. You have "a life". It's too far in the future. It may never happen....
We make time in life for what we value.
Qualify of life through the ages and stages is important to living together and living the solitary life.
We share this world and we affect what's been given to us by those who came before us.
Honor those going forward and moving quickly into the last of their time.
Push Forward in Social Media Key #7
Facebook, Twitter, whatever you use, wherever you post or speak out, add a line, a phrase, connect with an article.
The need to recognize DEMENTIA in all its forms is critical as is the focus and the collaboration of the organizations already established: Alzheimer's, Lewy Body Dementia, Parkinsons, etc.
Reach out and raise your voices to include those among the dozens of other types of dementia. Here's a list from the Alzheimer's Association of a few they recognize:
It's important we all stand up and speak out to raise awareness for Dementia and understand when we separate into "camps" of "types" we lose the ability to wage the major war necessary to stop its effects or even possibly end some or all of these Thiefs of Life.
Long Term Care Facilities and others need to step up and recognize the majority of their residents have some form of Dementia.
The tools we currently use to recognize Dementia are obsolete and the general population and even some medical professionals still believe the disease has to be overtly obvious.
This means the person has to demonstrate visible and possibly audible affects showing their mind is not capable.
My story, Her Story, is one of waging a battle against the status quo to move society into the brave new world of recognizing and realizing Dementia can be managed, can probably to some degree be detoured and may be handled without severe medical intervention but most importantly, MUST BE SEEN AND MUST BE RECOGNIZED.
ACCEPTANCE. Key #1
Focus on the person, where they are, with communication and compassion.
Understand the first line of defense is a community of support, a family that works with rather than administers or directs relationships along the way of life.
Those who listen, those who actively learn, make their path and the path of their loved ones less challenging and more rewarding.
LEARN ABOUT DEMENTIA. Key #2
We can learn more from networking and collaborating with agencies and organizations who have shown over the years to be "forward thinking" and effective in their ability to work with people with mental and emotional limitations.
TAKE/MAKE TIME. Key #3
Give your loved one and yourself time. In today's push-me-pull-you challenged society it's difficult but it's critical to a balanced life for them and for you.
UN-ISOLATE. Key #4
Dementia isolates. The person from themselves and the person from the family/care giver(s).
Sitting alone. Laying in bed. Staring out a single window.
Rights are important. Decisions should be honored.
Dementia is a medical challenge and with that comes responsibility to interact and assist.
DON'T DIRECT. INVOLVE. Key #5
Take cues from what you observe, listen to your tone of voice and move slowly and ensure you're in their line of vision, hearing and/or at their level and remember these "senses" may be affected by the Dementia and may vary.
The same great methods taught by leaders in the field of child and personal psychology can be applied with Dementia.
It's not an "I win" situation, it's a "we all win" plan.
LEARN AND PASS IT ON KEY #6
It's not easy. It takes time. You're busy. You have "a life". It's too far in the future. It may never happen....
We make time in life for what we value.
Qualify of life through the ages and stages is important to living together and living the solitary life.
We share this world and we affect what's been given to us by those who came before us.
Honor those going forward and moving quickly into the last of their time.
Push Forward in Social Media Key #7
Facebook, Twitter, whatever you use, wherever you post or speak out, add a line, a phrase, connect with an article.
The need to recognize DEMENTIA in all its forms is critical as is the focus and the collaboration of the organizations already established: Alzheimer's, Lewy Body Dementia, Parkinsons, etc.
Reach out and raise your voices to include those among the dozens of other types of dementia. Here's a list from the Alzheimer's Association of a few they recognize:
- Alzheimer's disease
- Vascular dementia
- Lewy Body Dementia (LBD)
- Mixed dementia
- Parkinson's disease
- Frontotemporal dementia
- Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease
- Normal pressure hydrocephalus
- Huntington's disease
- Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome
Here's a resource I like to pass along.
Feel free to copy and paste it when you help raise awareness and provide insight to:
Discover and Defeat Dementia
Tuesday, October 3, 2017
Run, Run As Fast As You Can . . .
Funny how many in their "middle ages" today run or bike or physically push themselves in sports chosen not as much for socializing but to try to stand out or show they can and will endure.
Are they running from something or towards something???
You can see personalities more clearly in those who push themselves to achieve . . . not just participate..
Could it be setbacks, disappointments, unplanned or planned life decisions not found to be as positive as expected are often the hidden challenges, the reason behind pushing for running longer, faster?
Running after a life where personal recognition through pushing just a little harder, just a little longer, just a little more can make the difference in self satisfaction and recognition by others of achievements missed in other ways, in other places, other times?
This passion for running longer and longer distances or faster and faster times or against their own "personal record" gives them a focus, a means to an end, a way they can express their "need" to achieve while life is usually pushing them backwards or sideways.
They live as other generations have, they acquire and find themselves with memories from a lifetime growing in length and depth and believe they're not as "possessive" as their parents and grandparents because they don't "collect" or "assemble".
It's fascinating how each generation believes they are so special, so different, so unique.
Realization often comes when they've moved down the road of life into the final years how similar, how much alike, how they've followed in the footsteps of those who came before them even if they walk the same paths, share similar experiences and see the horrors of "war", each generation believes -- it's different.....this time.
The newest two generations, Millennials and those who follow closely behind are experiencing the horror of unrecognized warfare in their homeland cities and states -- as the Baby Boomers did when three cities burned in the late 1960's.
Baby Boomers watched friends conscripted for a War that was undeclared, friends return without any "Welcome Home" as they were not the Heroes of their fathers' generation. . . IF they returned . . . and too many did not.
Broken apart by the mental and physical losses sustained by their brothers, cousins, friends, never to know or understand "why" and to watch as more challenges broke out, more losses were incurred.
Then there were the "wars" on the home front. The economic crisis that seemed to come regularly, once a decade, and not just minimize but destroyed savings, plans, the present and the future.
And now, this aging population is being "blamed" for NOT saving enough, NOT planning well enough. Some of their predecessors and a few among them have "Pensions" but this "benefit" became a historical feature only available to certain categories and in fewer numbers.
Every decade from the 60's onward brought another severe financial challenge and many losses of the small amounts of "wealth" many accumulated.
Ask anyone who's had a child or family member with medical challenges how long their "savings" lasts.
The Greatest Generation struggled through not having food, clothing, places to live and The Great Depression. Society went through times where they supported one another. Sacrifices were commonplace and most did not regret what they "willingly" gave to parents, siblings and others.
Baby Boomers saw, heard and experienced corruption within which was harder to live through than the corruption in a common enemy beyond our borders because we could not see, could not affect and had no voices on cell phones or the internet to raise, to share and to lead in other directions.
They demonstrated and raised voices. Women went out to work to be turned away, turned down for upward mobility and simply told, as I was "I want a man in this position."
Have Times Changed? Or have they moved forward wearing different identities carrying the same challenges for another generation.
Run, run, as fast as you can but most will not be able to outrun LIFE, the unpredictable, the unplanned, the unwanted.
Are they running from something or towards something???
You can see personalities more clearly in those who push themselves to achieve . . . not just participate..
Could it be setbacks, disappointments, unplanned or planned life decisions not found to be as positive as expected are often the hidden challenges, the reason behind pushing for running longer, faster?
Running after a life where personal recognition through pushing just a little harder, just a little longer, just a little more can make the difference in self satisfaction and recognition by others of achievements missed in other ways, in other places, other times?
This passion for running longer and longer distances or faster and faster times or against their own "personal record" gives them a focus, a means to an end, a way they can express their "need" to achieve while life is usually pushing them backwards or sideways.
They live as other generations have, they acquire and find themselves with memories from a lifetime growing in length and depth and believe they're not as "possessive" as their parents and grandparents because they don't "collect" or "assemble".
It's fascinating how each generation believes they are so special, so different, so unique.
Realization often comes when they've moved down the road of life into the final years how similar, how much alike, how they've followed in the footsteps of those who came before them even if they walk the same paths, share similar experiences and see the horrors of "war", each generation believes -- it's different.....this time.
The newest two generations, Millennials and those who follow closely behind are experiencing the horror of unrecognized warfare in their homeland cities and states -- as the Baby Boomers did when three cities burned in the late 1960's.
Baby Boomers watched friends conscripted for a War that was undeclared, friends return without any "Welcome Home" as they were not the Heroes of their fathers' generation. . . IF they returned . . . and too many did not.
Broken apart by the mental and physical losses sustained by their brothers, cousins, friends, never to know or understand "why" and to watch as more challenges broke out, more losses were incurred.
Then there were the "wars" on the home front. The economic crisis that seemed to come regularly, once a decade, and not just minimize but destroyed savings, plans, the present and the future.
And now, this aging population is being "blamed" for NOT saving enough, NOT planning well enough. Some of their predecessors and a few among them have "Pensions" but this "benefit" became a historical feature only available to certain categories and in fewer numbers.
Every decade from the 60's onward brought another severe financial challenge and many losses of the small amounts of "wealth" many accumulated.
Ask anyone who's had a child or family member with medical challenges how long their "savings" lasts.
The Greatest Generation struggled through not having food, clothing, places to live and The Great Depression. Society went through times where they supported one another. Sacrifices were commonplace and most did not regret what they "willingly" gave to parents, siblings and others.
Baby Boomers saw, heard and experienced corruption within which was harder to live through than the corruption in a common enemy beyond our borders because we could not see, could not affect and had no voices on cell phones or the internet to raise, to share and to lead in other directions.
They demonstrated and raised voices. Women went out to work to be turned away, turned down for upward mobility and simply told, as I was "I want a man in this position."
Have Times Changed? Or have they moved forward wearing different identities carrying the same challenges for another generation.
Run, run, as fast as you can but most will not be able to outrun LIFE, the unpredictable, the unplanned, the unwanted.
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
Come. Sit. Stay. An LTC Resident's Life Part 2
In many facilities the practice is
to ensure "resident safety" and that means "get them into a
wheelchair as fast as possible".
What
happens when a call light isn't answered from a resident who's semi mobile but
really needs assistance and can't wait any longer as it's already been twenty minutes?
Independent
as they want to be, limited as they are, they find a way to stand, usually
cannot balance and what happens is what's predicted -- THE FALL.
Repeat. Generate Report. Repeat.
Family and resident are "encouraged" to use a wheelchair.
Family members who are concerned may follow suggestions to "remove the walker" as "that's the problem".
Family visits occasionally but relies on "professional staff" for direction and "oversight".
Family and resident are "encouraged" to use a wheelchair.
Family members who are concerned may follow suggestions to "remove the walker" as "that's the problem".
Family visits occasionally but relies on "professional staff" for direction and "oversight".
After a few months the wheelchair
is ordered.
Mission accomplished.
Many Long Term Care residences do not have the time or the staff to "assist" residents and most families do not have the financial ability to augment and hire outside caregiver believing "the facility" is supposed to provide ALL services -- especially when costs are at $6,000+ per month/per resident for the "basic provisions".
Many Long Term Care residences do not have the time or the staff to "assist" residents and most families do not have the financial ability to augment and hire outside caregiver believing "the facility" is supposed to provide ALL services -- especially when costs are at $6,000+ per month/per resident for the "basic provisions".
In reality, Long Term Care has become the "shelving level" for
Seniors who are about to transition or who have transitioned into being
stationary or highly limited -- except for those who come in because it's the
only level of care Medicaid will cover.
It's the "haves" with the money or the family
support who can stay out of the "State Supported" system.
The rest move in and move on but few ever return to "outside living" because this is not a place to "rehab", this is not a place to "strengthen".
This is a place to sit, to stay and to come and go when you're told.
Some once highly capable, independent people, become social manipulators and users of people to ensure they maintain a semblance of autonomy until the time when their body and their mind no longer can assert themselves.
Like children and pets who want to "please" they come, they remain seated and they stay where they're told.
It's not a life any of us want for ourselves.
It's a life many are in and deserve better!
The rest move in and move on but few ever return to "outside living" because this is not a place to "rehab", this is not a place to "strengthen".
This is a place to sit, to stay and to come and go when you're told.
Some once highly capable, independent people, become social manipulators and users of people to ensure they maintain a semblance of autonomy until the time when their body and their mind no longer can assert themselves.
Like children and pets who want to "please" they come, they remain seated and they stay where they're told.
It's not a life any of us want for ourselves.
It's a life many are in and deserve better!
Sunday, August 27, 2017
The Hereafter: A Talk About AARP & All Ages
Daughter and I have had several discussions about THE HEREAFTER.
Not THAT "hereafter", the one that comes day by day, sneaks up on you and suddenly plunges you into the "Big One" -- Advanced Age & It's Challenges.
And, most importantly, what do we do, what do "I" do, will decisions today be valid ten or more years from now?
How do I decide when to say "when" or "enough is enough" if I'm able and how can I give my daughter the confidence and knowledge while keeping with MY desires, my wants and my needs?
Maybe you've been with a friend or relative and heard "the talk".
The one about "what are we going to do about Mom, Dad, Aunt Mary who never married and has no children .....
There are old wives tales shared about "the elderly" and whispers and sometimes a comment form a son or daughter announcing they HAVE to take care of MOM, DAD, AUNT, UNCLE or OTHER and just don't know what to do, don't know what to say and most of all don't really want... THE JOB OF CAREGIVER.
Life is interrupted when you have your first child. Ask any new parent. It's changed .... forever.
When you care for a loved one who has a critical illness or who has reached an age/stage where more immediate supervision and oversight are needed or even just checking to ensure "certain things" aren't overlooked -- your life changes according to the amount of time and caregiving you have to/need to do.
Doesn't matter how many "children" there are to "care give" and how the tasks are "split up".
There is almost always some level of resentment, some level of feeling taken advantage of and some level of wishing "it would all be over" sooner rather than later because life doesn't prepare us and we can't anticipate the unexpected.
It might not be constant, it may not be consistent but adjusting, negotiating with "your" immediate family members while negotiating with your "previous immediate family members" is another "to do" in a life usually filled with kids, school, activities, appointments, work, responsibilities and trying to carve out a little "life" for YOU.
IF ONLY. If only we shared with one another more directly what care giving is, how and where EXACTLY to look for help and if it were as easy as finding where you take your driver's license exam.
Yes, there are organizations. Been there. Done that. Did that.
Most are directed to specific areas of support, concern or medical afflictions.
They try to help with pamphlets and books and even with "counseling" but they aren't the ones "in the trenches" and getting all this information at a critical time when decisions and plans need to be made IS NOT THE BEST PLANNING, NOT THE BEST TIMING AND NOT THE BEST LIFE TO LIVE FOR ANYONE.
MAKE TIME. TAKE TIME. LEARN AND TEACH your children and others to look for information and plan for aging as much as they're being directed to plan for Retirement with savings and legal directives.
You're never to young to go out on AARP's website.
It has a wealth of information on aging and MORE --
Remember, we all need to be interested in legislation, research and protecting all ages and stages of life!
Not THAT "hereafter", the one that comes day by day, sneaks up on you and suddenly plunges you into the "Big One" -- Advanced Age & It's Challenges.
And, most importantly, what do we do, what do "I" do, will decisions today be valid ten or more years from now?
How do I decide when to say "when" or "enough is enough" if I'm able and how can I give my daughter the confidence and knowledge while keeping with MY desires, my wants and my needs?
Maybe you've been with a friend or relative and heard "the talk".
The one about "what are we going to do about Mom, Dad, Aunt Mary who never married and has no children .....
There are old wives tales shared about "the elderly" and whispers and sometimes a comment form a son or daughter announcing they HAVE to take care of MOM, DAD, AUNT, UNCLE or OTHER and just don't know what to do, don't know what to say and most of all don't really want... THE JOB OF CAREGIVER.
Life is interrupted when you have your first child. Ask any new parent. It's changed .... forever.
When you care for a loved one who has a critical illness or who has reached an age/stage where more immediate supervision and oversight are needed or even just checking to ensure "certain things" aren't overlooked -- your life changes according to the amount of time and caregiving you have to/need to do.
Doesn't matter how many "children" there are to "care give" and how the tasks are "split up".
There is almost always some level of resentment, some level of feeling taken advantage of and some level of wishing "it would all be over" sooner rather than later because life doesn't prepare us and we can't anticipate the unexpected.
It might not be constant, it may not be consistent but adjusting, negotiating with "your" immediate family members while negotiating with your "previous immediate family members" is another "to do" in a life usually filled with kids, school, activities, appointments, work, responsibilities and trying to carve out a little "life" for YOU.
IF ONLY. If only we shared with one another more directly what care giving is, how and where EXACTLY to look for help and if it were as easy as finding where you take your driver's license exam.
Yes, there are organizations. Been there. Done that. Did that.
Most are directed to specific areas of support, concern or medical afflictions.
They try to help with pamphlets and books and even with "counseling" but they aren't the ones "in the trenches" and getting all this information at a critical time when decisions and plans need to be made IS NOT THE BEST PLANNING, NOT THE BEST TIMING AND NOT THE BEST LIFE TO LIVE FOR ANYONE.
MAKE TIME. TAKE TIME. LEARN AND TEACH your children and others to look for information and plan for aging as much as they're being directed to plan for Retirement with savings and legal directives.
You're never to young to go out on AARP's website.
It has a wealth of information on aging and MORE --
Remember, we all need to be interested in legislation, research and protecting all ages and stages of life!
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Crossing Paths of Widowhood
Last time we were together was at her Retirement Party. Time before that was her husband's funeral; a death totally unexpected and sudden.
We'd exchanged a few on line messages but it had been two years since we'd actually spent some time together talking
I saw her across the room and thought, "she's changed" ... and "so have I".
Two widows who'd met serving as Board Members for an organization providing needed services to our growing Seniors population.
She was appointed, I was elected.
She represented a major company influential in providing services to the entire community while I was elected to represent primarily Seniors who used specific area Senior Centers funded by the State.
She's retired; I'm actively working.
My friend had news. She was moving to Florida. And, the big news, she was getting married again!
We have similar interests but we're also somewhat different.
I've not found a want or a need to consider finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm happy for my friend when I hear how her life changed when she lost her husband;
She'd taken her husband's death hard. She went to work, came home, fell in bed to sleep. It was another friend who finally reached through and brought her up and out of her depression.
My trauma of Mom's challenges and everything involved as detailed in this blog with the false accusations of Elder Abuse and the Undue Influence of Julia was my focus; that and financial survival without a job and having gone through almost every asset we had.
A son lived with her, he was in high school. Sons are different from daughters, most of them. Compassion and caregiving along with communication aren't as much a part of their "make up" as daughters.
I am thankful every day my "end child" was a girl.
Two sons were great. Companions for one another. Boys seem to "need" that when they're young. Like young creatures everywhere they're more physical, more needing "bouncing off" others.
Not meaning to be "sexist" in my statements, just observation of behavior of the majority within the groups and I know there are variations on the "theme" of sons and daughters.
My friend's son is older, he has a job and he's staying here. Her husband to be also has a son, finishing high school, ready to move out, ready to move on, has a girl friend.
Geography isn't a friendship breaker the way it could be years ago.
I recall moving as I grew up and not having the "life long" friends of those I met who'd bonded since "grade school".
I've been somewhat of a loner although valuing the friendships and relationships established along life's way.
My married life centered around my husband, his family and my family, his work, my work, the businesses we built together and being a multi generational family with my Mom joining us when our first child was two months old, and that included our "entertaining".
We often move through life changing while staying the same.
My friend is having work done on her home to prepare to sell it and buy a Condo in Florida. She went through a list of positives about moving there and they did sound good, I must admit.
She has someone. I have someone. Hers is building a new family; mine is continuing the multi generational family started decades ago.
Our lives move forward in somewhat different directions but the steps along the way have been challenged with that loss, that deep cutting removal. I understand her choices. She understands mine.
Relatively new friends in the measure of days of life brought together through a common interest and now building on another commonality with our life changes.
We'd exchanged a few on line messages but it had been two years since we'd actually spent some time together talking
I saw her across the room and thought, "she's changed" ... and "so have I".
Two widows who'd met serving as Board Members for an organization providing needed services to our growing Seniors population.
She was appointed, I was elected.
She represented a major company influential in providing services to the entire community while I was elected to represent primarily Seniors who used specific area Senior Centers funded by the State.
She's retired; I'm actively working.
My friend had news. She was moving to Florida. And, the big news, she was getting married again!
We have similar interests but we're also somewhat different.
I've not found a want or a need to consider finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm happy for my friend when I hear how her life changed when she lost her husband;
She'd taken her husband's death hard. She went to work, came home, fell in bed to sleep. It was another friend who finally reached through and brought her up and out of her depression.
My trauma of Mom's challenges and everything involved as detailed in this blog with the false accusations of Elder Abuse and the Undue Influence of Julia was my focus; that and financial survival without a job and having gone through almost every asset we had.
A son lived with her, he was in high school. Sons are different from daughters, most of them. Compassion and caregiving along with communication aren't as much a part of their "make up" as daughters.
I am thankful every day my "end child" was a girl.
Two sons were great. Companions for one another. Boys seem to "need" that when they're young. Like young creatures everywhere they're more physical, more needing "bouncing off" others.
Not meaning to be "sexist" in my statements, just observation of behavior of the majority within the groups and I know there are variations on the "theme" of sons and daughters.
My friend's son is older, he has a job and he's staying here. Her husband to be also has a son, finishing high school, ready to move out, ready to move on, has a girl friend.
Geography isn't a friendship breaker the way it could be years ago.
I recall moving as I grew up and not having the "life long" friends of those I met who'd bonded since "grade school".
I've been somewhat of a loner although valuing the friendships and relationships established along life's way.
My married life centered around my husband, his family and my family, his work, my work, the businesses we built together and being a multi generational family with my Mom joining us when our first child was two months old, and that included our "entertaining".
We often move through life changing while staying the same.
My friend is having work done on her home to prepare to sell it and buy a Condo in Florida. She went through a list of positives about moving there and they did sound good, I must admit.
She has someone. I have someone. Hers is building a new family; mine is continuing the multi generational family started decades ago.
Our lives move forward in somewhat different directions but the steps along the way have been challenged with that loss, that deep cutting removal. I understand her choices. She understands mine.
Relatively new friends in the measure of days of life brought together through a common interest and now building on another commonality with our life changes.
Friday, August 11, 2017
The Talk: Valuing Aging & The Aged
Aging is mostly hidden from Gen Xers.
The generation next in line to Care Give for parents and others.
Off on their own, many of them living far away from family and relatives, socializing with "their own kind" they seldom visit or interact with society's "aging population".
A new industry has grown and is booming based on this "abandonment" of a whole segment of our population -- Continuum Care.
You simply sell your home, move into a "condo" with "all the conveniences" and then advance at an unknown and totally unexpected faster pace into more and more managed care and less and less autonomy and freedom of choice.
OR DO WE?
Depends on how much we have to "invest" in the cost of living as we grow older.
What costs, you might ask?
Well, what does that contract say you're signing?
What adjustable rates are there for what services?
Is there a monthly fee?
As that residency "ages" just as you age, who's responsible for upkeep, maintenance and what kind of control do they have over those costs?
Many now advertise they have "stepped care" meaning you can continue to live with them no matter what your mental or physical care needs may be --- NOT QUITE TRUE.
If you require medical care beyond what the facility has available, cannot provide and you cannot provide at your own expense -- YOU MAY BE ASKED TO MOVE OR BE MOVED.
IMPORTANT: There are no blanket guarantees. Even with Medicaid, the facility Dr and others can "put together" paperwork that can affect the continuation of someone in a specific facility.
REMEMBER: One of our most difficult possibilities as we age is OUR MIND and how it determines what we say, how we act, what we do or don't do and what functions vary or fail and at what rate.
All ages need to be more cognizant of reality regarding residences and their actual practices and promises.
Each of these "care giving" centers, no matter how they advertise their services, are HOUSING & PROVIDING SERVICES for human beings who lose a great deal of self determination depending on the practices and legal inclusions in contractual agreements AND SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR PUBLIC DISCLOSURE OF ALL OF THESE FACTORS ON A YEARLY BASIS.
We brag about how the average life span is lengthening and how we're living "better lives" than our predecessors.
On a local TV program today, an "info-mercial", a local Financial Planner said the latest figures show the average life span is 86.
I think that may be a little high but it's still far higher than the age of 65 which was the determining point for Social Security being established as few lived to that point or longer back in the late 1930's.
We have Heart Disease, Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis and that most dreaded of all DEMENTIA .... but ...WE'RE LIVING LONGER!
Who prepares us to "care give" for our aging population?
Who educates us in what it means to grow old?
Who teaches us about aging as a process?
Who gives us the foundation to build relationships and responsibilities with and for those who have come before?
Schools teach us about who "WE" are.
We're taught how to navigate and negotiate through stages of OUR lives basically from the point we enter the educational system until we leave.
Sometimes we get limited education on working and socializing with others.
Rarely are we taught the importance of each age group in our society and how important it is to learn about and understand each segment.
We need to teach our children how the world is centered on ALL: Ages, stages, beliefs, concerns, languages, colors and contrasts.
To educate everyone that aging is normal, to be expected and accepted and to understand what may cause changes along with "aging" -- medical life events like a TIA or stroke, what Dementia really is and how to work with and through the challenges experienced, what accommodations can be made that make life easier and how they can be done and supported by everyone.
It took years for the founder of Paraquad in St Louis to get people's attention to the NEEDS of those with physical limitations and laws passed (like the handicap parking signs so common on parking lots and streets).
We need to grow in tolerance, understanding and recognize it's critical to talk, to plan and to start with our very youngest citizens to educate and develop concern beyond themselves, for others of all ages, stages and abilities -- or lack thereof.
Fear of the unknown starts early. Seeing and not understanding, not asking questions and finding answers causes us to look away, turn away and in the end seal the fate of today's generations and our own.
The generation next in line to Care Give for parents and others.
Off on their own, many of them living far away from family and relatives, socializing with "their own kind" they seldom visit or interact with society's "aging population".
A new industry has grown and is booming based on this "abandonment" of a whole segment of our population -- Continuum Care.
You simply sell your home, move into a "condo" with "all the conveniences" and then advance at an unknown and totally unexpected faster pace into more and more managed care and less and less autonomy and freedom of choice.
OR DO WE?
Depends on how much we have to "invest" in the cost of living as we grow older.
What costs, you might ask?
Well, what does that contract say you're signing?
What adjustable rates are there for what services?
Is there a monthly fee?
As that residency "ages" just as you age, who's responsible for upkeep, maintenance and what kind of control do they have over those costs?
Many now advertise they have "stepped care" meaning you can continue to live with them no matter what your mental or physical care needs may be --- NOT QUITE TRUE.
If you require medical care beyond what the facility has available, cannot provide and you cannot provide at your own expense -- YOU MAY BE ASKED TO MOVE OR BE MOVED.
IMPORTANT: There are no blanket guarantees. Even with Medicaid, the facility Dr and others can "put together" paperwork that can affect the continuation of someone in a specific facility.
REMEMBER: One of our most difficult possibilities as we age is OUR MIND and how it determines what we say, how we act, what we do or don't do and what functions vary or fail and at what rate.
All ages need to be more cognizant of reality regarding residences and their actual practices and promises.
Each of these "care giving" centers, no matter how they advertise their services, are HOUSING & PROVIDING SERVICES for human beings who lose a great deal of self determination depending on the practices and legal inclusions in contractual agreements AND SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR PUBLIC DISCLOSURE OF ALL OF THESE FACTORS ON A YEARLY BASIS.
We brag about how the average life span is lengthening and how we're living "better lives" than our predecessors.
On a local TV program today, an "info-mercial", a local Financial Planner said the latest figures show the average life span is 86.
I think that may be a little high but it's still far higher than the age of 65 which was the determining point for Social Security being established as few lived to that point or longer back in the late 1930's.
We have Heart Disease, Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis and that most dreaded of all DEMENTIA .... but ...WE'RE LIVING LONGER!
Who prepares us to "care give" for our aging population?
Who educates us in what it means to grow old?
Who teaches us about aging as a process?
Who gives us the foundation to build relationships and responsibilities with and for those who have come before?
Schools teach us about who "WE" are.
We're taught how to navigate and negotiate through stages of OUR lives basically from the point we enter the educational system until we leave.
Sometimes we get limited education on working and socializing with others.
Rarely are we taught the importance of each age group in our society and how important it is to learn about and understand each segment.
We need to teach our children how the world is centered on ALL: Ages, stages, beliefs, concerns, languages, colors and contrasts.
To educate everyone that aging is normal, to be expected and accepted and to understand what may cause changes along with "aging" -- medical life events like a TIA or stroke, what Dementia really is and how to work with and through the challenges experienced, what accommodations can be made that make life easier and how they can be done and supported by everyone.
It took years for the founder of Paraquad in St Louis to get people's attention to the NEEDS of those with physical limitations and laws passed (like the handicap parking signs so common on parking lots and streets).
We need to grow in tolerance, understanding and recognize it's critical to talk, to plan and to start with our very youngest citizens to educate and develop concern beyond themselves, for others of all ages, stages and abilities -- or lack thereof.
Fear of the unknown starts early. Seeing and not understanding, not asking questions and finding answers causes us to look away, turn away and in the end seal the fate of today's generations and our own.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Quick To Criticize & Find Fault
Interestingly, my oldest son, always quick to criticize and find fault with me, has told me we "never entertained".
As I look through pictures of so many holidays at our house with all my husband's immediate and extended family; birthday celebrations with parties for adults and children; weekend meals together with the three Grandparents.... I see a family joined together and lots of celebrating and sharing.
I was an only child, my Mom came to live with us two months after our oldest son was born. Long story. Mentioned in other entries. We were a multigenerational family for decades.
So, Mom was a part of these times and a major contributor -- she loved to cook and she loved to bake and it was her way of sharing love, caring and concern.
Oldest son says we "used" Mom. She was a "servant".
So sad the way someone who was not a willing participant, someone who continuously took rather than gave, can try to destroy the good in life, the love in life.
Oldest son wasn't there when his Grandmother passed. Daughter and I were. Youngest son was on the phone.
Mama was in bed, sitting up, off in her own world..... she sat upright, turning her body and moving, constantly moving her hands and her arms. She was "working", she was "doing something" -- she was preparing for something, for someone...... until we told her everyone was there she'd waited for and she could now go and join them ..... and she did.
Two completely different pictures; one from actual history, one from "construed" history to avoid facing the reality of a loving, caring home and a family that worked together, played together and cared about and for one another --- always.
Oldest son was never involved in all the preparation: house cleaning, purchasing and preparing food, gathering special items together and all the work (along with the joy) of "entertaining". Maybe he is now.
Maybe he's beginning to learn there's more to "entertaining" than people walking through your door and your "socializing" with them.
He just came, did what he wanted and left -- a guest rather than a member of the family.
We tried. We used the typical parental methods. And, as often happens you finally give up, decide it's not worth the time or the battle and just move forward.
We also had neighbors and other friends come to our home although not as frequently as family who shared our table, came for socializing.
We didn't sit and watch "the game" as my son does and so many others. We actually talked, we shared and we interacted.
That seems to be oldest son's measure of "entertaining": people other than family and watching sports on TV together.
From my point of view -- this oldest son always seemed to "disappear" when help was needed whether it was to do a chore around the house or help his Dad, Grandmother or me with something.
I remember so well the retaining wall that was coming apart and needed major work. My husband was the ultimate "do it yourself" person trained as a Boy Scout from Eagle Scout to Order of the Arrow.
It was "the way" in those days; it was survival through challenging times and it provided other uses for limited funds and time -- just like the clothing I described in the previous entry, Splitting Hairs: Practical and Planned
Oldest son worked for a short time, then disagreed with his father about the construction and instead of working it through, walked away to leave his younger brother and father to manage the lifting of very heavy blocks to levels above both their heads.
He disagreed with the way it was being constructed. So....he refused to help.
That 's a memory I have of him --- "my way or the highway" from his teens until today.
Truth be told, he was the one who usually "avoided" the household work and maintenance; the "bookworm" and "computer geek" with school, activities and so much more!
The younger son was more willing to help, more available and more concerned as he still is today.
We form our traits young; we are who we are and sometimes even the best parenting produces different types of people.
Compassion, consideration, owning mistakes and taking responsibility describes today the younger son and our daughter and lacking in the older son, unfortunately.
I often wonder how two sons with exactly the same opportunities and possibilities including education, activities and support, can be so very different.
I am blessed with two of three who listen, learn and share.
I have ongoing contact with three of my eight grandchildren; oldest son "removed" that "privilege" several times over the years. This latest event is going on its fourth year. More in another entry.
To those of you who understand from personal experience my concerns, feel my pain and heartache, please understand the importance of not always giving in to injustice and to those who would set aside right and do wrong.
His children grow older. I have these writings and I know my daughter and most likely my other son will carry the truth forward although I believe it will be my daughter who holds her older brother and his wife accountable.
As I look through pictures of so many holidays at our house with all my husband's immediate and extended family; birthday celebrations with parties for adults and children; weekend meals together with the three Grandparents.... I see a family joined together and lots of celebrating and sharing.
I was an only child, my Mom came to live with us two months after our oldest son was born. Long story. Mentioned in other entries. We were a multigenerational family for decades.
So, Mom was a part of these times and a major contributor -- she loved to cook and she loved to bake and it was her way of sharing love, caring and concern.
Oldest son says we "used" Mom. She was a "servant".
So sad the way someone who was not a willing participant, someone who continuously took rather than gave, can try to destroy the good in life, the love in life.
Oldest son wasn't there when his Grandmother passed. Daughter and I were. Youngest son was on the phone.
Mama was in bed, sitting up, off in her own world..... she sat upright, turning her body and moving, constantly moving her hands and her arms. She was "working", she was "doing something" -- she was preparing for something, for someone...... until we told her everyone was there she'd waited for and she could now go and join them ..... and she did.
Two completely different pictures; one from actual history, one from "construed" history to avoid facing the reality of a loving, caring home and a family that worked together, played together and cared about and for one another --- always.
Oldest son was never involved in all the preparation: house cleaning, purchasing and preparing food, gathering special items together and all the work (along with the joy) of "entertaining". Maybe he is now.
Maybe he's beginning to learn there's more to "entertaining" than people walking through your door and your "socializing" with them.
He just came, did what he wanted and left -- a guest rather than a member of the family.
We tried. We used the typical parental methods. And, as often happens you finally give up, decide it's not worth the time or the battle and just move forward.
We also had neighbors and other friends come to our home although not as frequently as family who shared our table, came for socializing.
We didn't sit and watch "the game" as my son does and so many others. We actually talked, we shared and we interacted.
That seems to be oldest son's measure of "entertaining": people other than family and watching sports on TV together.
From my point of view -- this oldest son always seemed to "disappear" when help was needed whether it was to do a chore around the house or help his Dad, Grandmother or me with something.
I remember so well the retaining wall that was coming apart and needed major work. My husband was the ultimate "do it yourself" person trained as a Boy Scout from Eagle Scout to Order of the Arrow.
It was "the way" in those days; it was survival through challenging times and it provided other uses for limited funds and time -- just like the clothing I described in the previous entry, Splitting Hairs: Practical and Planned
Oldest son worked for a short time, then disagreed with his father about the construction and instead of working it through, walked away to leave his younger brother and father to manage the lifting of very heavy blocks to levels above both their heads.
He disagreed with the way it was being constructed. So....he refused to help.
That 's a memory I have of him --- "my way or the highway" from his teens until today.
Truth be told, he was the one who usually "avoided" the household work and maintenance; the "bookworm" and "computer geek" with school, activities and so much more!
The younger son was more willing to help, more available and more concerned as he still is today.
We form our traits young; we are who we are and sometimes even the best parenting produces different types of people.
Compassion, consideration, owning mistakes and taking responsibility describes today the younger son and our daughter and lacking in the older son, unfortunately.
I often wonder how two sons with exactly the same opportunities and possibilities including education, activities and support, can be so very different.
I am blessed with two of three who listen, learn and share.
I have ongoing contact with three of my eight grandchildren; oldest son "removed" that "privilege" several times over the years. This latest event is going on its fourth year. More in another entry.
To those of you who understand from personal experience my concerns, feel my pain and heartache, please understand the importance of not always giving in to injustice and to those who would set aside right and do wrong.
His children grow older. I have these writings and I know my daughter and most likely my other son will carry the truth forward although I believe it will be my daughter who holds her older brother and his wife accountable.
Monday, July 24, 2017
Splitting Hairs: Practical and Planned
Death is a great separator.
It separates people, places and things.
Temps are over 100 degrees so it's a perfect time to clean the closet closest to the front entry used for holding family coats and a few other "miscellaneous" items.
There they were. His coats, jackets.
More than pieces of clothing, memories hanging tightly to places and times past, never to be again.
Attached to his body before, attached to my memory now.
Pieces my oldest son would probably criticize as "costly", "branded" and other faults would be described.
He'd had similar clothes. When he outgrew them, some pieces were worn by his brother and some were passed over to my sister-in-law for her two sons. And, probably, they were passed even farther.
Costly? Cost effective.
Almost always our clothing was on sale and chosen because the brands were well sewn, good material that lasted and style proof, meaning they withstood many years of wear because they weren't chosen to be "of the moment" but chosen for service, durability and long term savings.
"Splurges" were those special pieces, often those "memories for a lifetime" and even then, sales and special offers were always where we started and usually where we purchased.
Investment pieces we jokingly called our clothing but the truth was they more than paid for themselves in the small extra amount we paid at the time.
Yes, we all had a few unique pieces, more trendy but basically it was basic -- a lesson I'd learned coming from a cold water flat, a father who drank more often than he worked and held down a job and a mother who stretched and made do and taught me how to do the same.
Now, I touch the leather jacket, folds in places where it draped on his body, the body that went from being so strong, so capable, so ..... to skin and bones as the MRSA, the medications, the inept decisions including making an incision causing more challenges and eventually the end of his life took their toll and he was .... gone.
We bought it on a trip. It was Summer....in Florida....at Disneyworld. A shop on their Main Street was having a really deep discount sale and this jacket caught my eye.
My husband had admired one on someone but he, like me, never really said "I'd like that" or "I'm going to get one like that".
Our family, our businesses, our needs to be met came first. Although from the outside looking in, people, especially oldest son who now says everything we did was wrong -- and dramatic ups and downs from every seven to ten years in vastly changing economies we're now just beginning to "discuss" as great factors in saving and spending -- added to our need to juggle, be creative and innovative ... always!
And, there was our major decision to provide our children private school educations from pre school through college as each one showed special talents and abilitites we felt would best be served with specialized education only available through that choice.
My husband's "rain coat"; outer shell for Spring and Summer, inner lining made it go fairly far into the cold and wet seasons of Fall and Winter. Practical. Washable. Wearable. Casual when needed; professional for most often.
A longer heavier coat he wore to Church, for meetings and for funerals. He was a handsome man and we went well together -- or so we were told and pictures reflect.
The weight of removing these and other pieces from the closet to look over, decide if they should be kept or given away as many other pieces of his clothing -- to be used by others, to be passed on now that he had passed from walking this way and gone another. . .
It still takes me a great deal of time to "go through" things. Many I'd hung up, put away or given a few pieces to our sons, kept for our daughter and, for myself, or given so that others can benefit from the life of someone who lived the Rotary Moto "Service Above Self" and who lived with me the life of passing along to others, giving and sharing, caring and taking care of those who are in need in family and community.
Time to get back to the work of splitting hairs -- looking through clothing and other items and deciding which to keep and what to give away.
Sometimes it's exactly that -- with an item that could be kept or could be given away -- and I choose to put it back, for just a little while longer, until another time when I can perhaps move from splitting hairs to making practical and planned decisions as I've learned.
It separates people, places and things.
Temps are over 100 degrees so it's a perfect time to clean the closet closest to the front entry used for holding family coats and a few other "miscellaneous" items.
There they were. His coats, jackets.
More than pieces of clothing, memories hanging tightly to places and times past, never to be again.
Attached to his body before, attached to my memory now.
Pieces my oldest son would probably criticize as "costly", "branded" and other faults would be described.
He'd had similar clothes. When he outgrew them, some pieces were worn by his brother and some were passed over to my sister-in-law for her two sons. And, probably, they were passed even farther.
Costly? Cost effective.
Almost always our clothing was on sale and chosen because the brands were well sewn, good material that lasted and style proof, meaning they withstood many years of wear because they weren't chosen to be "of the moment" but chosen for service, durability and long term savings.
"Splurges" were those special pieces, often those "memories for a lifetime" and even then, sales and special offers were always where we started and usually where we purchased.
Investment pieces we jokingly called our clothing but the truth was they more than paid for themselves in the small extra amount we paid at the time.
Yes, we all had a few unique pieces, more trendy but basically it was basic -- a lesson I'd learned coming from a cold water flat, a father who drank more often than he worked and held down a job and a mother who stretched and made do and taught me how to do the same.
Now, I touch the leather jacket, folds in places where it draped on his body, the body that went from being so strong, so capable, so ..... to skin and bones as the MRSA, the medications, the inept decisions including making an incision causing more challenges and eventually the end of his life took their toll and he was .... gone.
We bought it on a trip. It was Summer....in Florida....at Disneyworld. A shop on their Main Street was having a really deep discount sale and this jacket caught my eye.
My husband had admired one on someone but he, like me, never really said "I'd like that" or "I'm going to get one like that".
Our family, our businesses, our needs to be met came first. Although from the outside looking in, people, especially oldest son who now says everything we did was wrong -- and dramatic ups and downs from every seven to ten years in vastly changing economies we're now just beginning to "discuss" as great factors in saving and spending -- added to our need to juggle, be creative and innovative ... always!
And, there was our major decision to provide our children private school educations from pre school through college as each one showed special talents and abilitites we felt would best be served with specialized education only available through that choice.
My husband's "rain coat"; outer shell for Spring and Summer, inner lining made it go fairly far into the cold and wet seasons of Fall and Winter. Practical. Washable. Wearable. Casual when needed; professional for most often.
A longer heavier coat he wore to Church, for meetings and for funerals. He was a handsome man and we went well together -- or so we were told and pictures reflect.
The weight of removing these and other pieces from the closet to look over, decide if they should be kept or given away as many other pieces of his clothing -- to be used by others, to be passed on now that he had passed from walking this way and gone another. . .
It still takes me a great deal of time to "go through" things. Many I'd hung up, put away or given a few pieces to our sons, kept for our daughter and, for myself, or given so that others can benefit from the life of someone who lived the Rotary Moto "Service Above Self" and who lived with me the life of passing along to others, giving and sharing, caring and taking care of those who are in need in family and community.
Time to get back to the work of splitting hairs -- looking through clothing and other items and deciding which to keep and what to give away.
Sometimes it's exactly that -- with an item that could be kept or could be given away -- and I choose to put it back, for just a little while longer, until another time when I can perhaps move from splitting hairs to making practical and planned decisions as I've learned.
Saturday, July 15, 2017
ICSA International Conference: Undue Influence Rising Worldwide Challenge
Recently attended an International Conference with my daughter with an organization that has existed since 1979.
It was founded during a time when Baby Boomers were young and many were "Flower Children" following cults and their leaders and new groups were being formed that we recognize today.
It's acronym is ICSA and when you first read the name, you'll probably think of turning away from it or considering it's a group "on the fringe of society". It's neither.
Click through here to learn more about this organization working to raise awareness about groups and individuals with personal control agendas.
ICSA recognizes Undue Influence. It also talks about "mind control". Basic words, old thoughts, still actively practiced by groups and individuals looking to profit, to gain and to succeed to influence, manipulate and control.
Having experienced Undue Influence through the woman who came into our life during our challenges with undiagnosed and then diagnosed Lewy Body Dementia, I was looking for answers and input from others who had been affected and by those who are seeking to protect the rights of all not to be taken advantage of and not to be led down paths of self or life destruction.
My generation, daughter's generation.
Little has changed.
Then as now, there were also movements to control, to manipulate and to take advantage of individuals looking to create a better world, a place of peace and caring about and for one another.
To quote lyrics from a popular song by the Beatles "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed to far away....oh, I believe in yesterday". By the way, we're just really beginning to understand the Beatles lyrics often had hidden references as in the song they wrote about the Guru they followed.
Those who would influence have simply moved on to one-on-one and can now use the Internet to influence and control; they don't need direct contact, isolation and deprivation of food, family or regular life inclusions.
There were movements that had been started in the mid to late 60's by individuals and groups who believed in the same standards taken up by the Millenials, many of whom are the children of the Baby Boomers highlighted at the conference and there were papers presented by PhDs in several related fields from highly reputable resources both public and private.
You can read some of these papers on line. Next year their International Meeting will be in Philadelphia; its a worthwhile attend for people in the United States, especially those near the Philly metro area.
Attendees this year came from the United States, Canada, Argentina, Equador, Peru, Bolivia and other South American countries, Japan, China, France, Germany, Netherlands, Poland -- to name a few areas represented.
There were first and second generation individuals affected by cults, individuals and groups. Some were members of families where their children had been "captured" into beliefs years ago that still separate and alienate the child from their family members. Many were professionals with Masters and PhD's and even attorneys who attended and spoke.
ICSA is unique in how it brings together former group members, families, professionals and researchers.
When I heard the words "undue influence" and "mind control" I felt relief someone besides my daughter and I were aware of these actions taking place and how they are growing and how some countries are putting in place ways and means to counteract individuals and groups who would split apart and separate.
We, as a family, faced one person who used "the system", including a professional accreditation, to discredit years of close and caring relationships for personal benefit.
At the conference, we heard stories from others, in presentations and around dining tables when we met afterwards, of people with similar and related challenges with undue influence and mind control.
I am more convinced than ever the challenges of raising awareness of Lewy Body Dementia and Dementia as a classification rather than "segmenting" and "separating" this medical challenge is critical.
As our older population grows and our technology increases to allow more means of connecting, so also grows the ability to deceive, to manipulate and to control.
It's a worldwide challenge. We in the United States should be taking the lead and instead we're dragging our feet and falling behind.
It was founded during a time when Baby Boomers were young and many were "Flower Children" following cults and their leaders and new groups were being formed that we recognize today.
It's acronym is ICSA and when you first read the name, you'll probably think of turning away from it or considering it's a group "on the fringe of society". It's neither.
Click through here to learn more about this organization working to raise awareness about groups and individuals with personal control agendas.
ICSA recognizes Undue Influence. It also talks about "mind control". Basic words, old thoughts, still actively practiced by groups and individuals looking to profit, to gain and to succeed to influence, manipulate and control.
Having experienced Undue Influence through the woman who came into our life during our challenges with undiagnosed and then diagnosed Lewy Body Dementia, I was looking for answers and input from others who had been affected and by those who are seeking to protect the rights of all not to be taken advantage of and not to be led down paths of self or life destruction.
My generation, daughter's generation.
Little has changed.
Then as now, there were also movements to control, to manipulate and to take advantage of individuals looking to create a better world, a place of peace and caring about and for one another.
To quote lyrics from a popular song by the Beatles "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed to far away....oh, I believe in yesterday". By the way, we're just really beginning to understand the Beatles lyrics often had hidden references as in the song they wrote about the Guru they followed.
Those who would influence have simply moved on to one-on-one and can now use the Internet to influence and control; they don't need direct contact, isolation and deprivation of food, family or regular life inclusions.
There were movements that had been started in the mid to late 60's by individuals and groups who believed in the same standards taken up by the Millenials, many of whom are the children of the Baby Boomers highlighted at the conference and there were papers presented by PhDs in several related fields from highly reputable resources both public and private.
You can read some of these papers on line. Next year their International Meeting will be in Philadelphia; its a worthwhile attend for people in the United States, especially those near the Philly metro area.
Attendees this year came from the United States, Canada, Argentina, Equador, Peru, Bolivia and other South American countries, Japan, China, France, Germany, Netherlands, Poland -- to name a few areas represented.
There were first and second generation individuals affected by cults, individuals and groups. Some were members of families where their children had been "captured" into beliefs years ago that still separate and alienate the child from their family members. Many were professionals with Masters and PhD's and even attorneys who attended and spoke.
ICSA is unique in how it brings together former group members, families, professionals and researchers.
When I heard the words "undue influence" and "mind control" I felt relief someone besides my daughter and I were aware of these actions taking place and how they are growing and how some countries are putting in place ways and means to counteract individuals and groups who would split apart and separate.
We, as a family, faced one person who used "the system", including a professional accreditation, to discredit years of close and caring relationships for personal benefit.
At the conference, we heard stories from others, in presentations and around dining tables when we met afterwards, of people with similar and related challenges with undue influence and mind control.
I am more convinced than ever the challenges of raising awareness of Lewy Body Dementia and Dementia as a classification rather than "segmenting" and "separating" this medical challenge is critical.
As our older population grows and our technology increases to allow more means of connecting, so also grows the ability to deceive, to manipulate and to control.
It's a worldwide challenge. We in the United States should be taking the lead and instead we're dragging our feet and falling behind.
Friday, June 9, 2017
Developing A Compassionate Culture
Today, it often takes a prominent and influential individual or group of people to make changes in our lifestyles in the work place and at home.
Just read an article in Fast Company, a magazine I read almost from cover to cover along with many others in the days when magazine subscriptions were part of my worldly capabilities to purchase and pursue.
Online ability to read, to listen, to view, has been important to my well being as it keeps open access to information now and especially when we were unable to spend an additional dollar let alone the cost of a magazine or even the gas that would be used to get to a library.
It references Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook and includes her loss of her husband suddenly on vacation in Mexico in 2015 at the age of 47.
Shock and awe. I understand. When death is the last thing you expect or believe will happen, you are set spinning or as I've stated in several previous entries in this blog, feeling like you're moving in "jello" every minute of each day.
Yes, you adjust -- in time. You continue to move forward.
What you learn is what it means when you "directly" have an experience just isn't the same as hearing about a friend's unfortunate loss or an unrelated extended family member.
It's like watching anything happen, hearing about it as compared to having it happen directly to you; there is a distinct and more impactful experience.
Here's the web connection
Facebook, let's hope, is leading the way in creating work environments understanding we are not just "company" focused and they are far the better for our being human as we bring feeling, emotion and with it respect and consideration for what we do and how we do it.
Now, Ms. Sandberg, please take a deep look at other "policies" within your organization and view them from a more "personal" angle. Your employees are great assets when treated humanely.
All of you who live without truly thinking about the "human" side of life, the reality of the full scope and depth of being human, stop....look....listen.
Develop a More Compassionate Culture.
Just read an article in Fast Company, a magazine I read almost from cover to cover along with many others in the days when magazine subscriptions were part of my worldly capabilities to purchase and pursue.
Online ability to read, to listen, to view, has been important to my well being as it keeps open access to information now and especially when we were unable to spend an additional dollar let alone the cost of a magazine or even the gas that would be used to get to a library.
It references Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook and includes her loss of her husband suddenly on vacation in Mexico in 2015 at the age of 47.
Shock and awe. I understand. When death is the last thing you expect or believe will happen, you are set spinning or as I've stated in several previous entries in this blog, feeling like you're moving in "jello" every minute of each day.
Yes, you adjust -- in time. You continue to move forward.
What you learn is what it means when you "directly" have an experience just isn't the same as hearing about a friend's unfortunate loss or an unrelated extended family member.
It's like watching anything happen, hearing about it as compared to having it happen directly to you; there is a distinct and more impactful experience.
Here's the web connection
Facebook, let's hope, is leading the way in creating work environments understanding we are not just "company" focused and they are far the better for our being human as we bring feeling, emotion and with it respect and consideration for what we do and how we do it.
Now, Ms. Sandberg, please take a deep look at other "policies" within your organization and view them from a more "personal" angle. Your employees are great assets when treated humanely.
All of you who live without truly thinking about the "human" side of life, the reality of the full scope and depth of being human, stop....look....listen.
Develop a More Compassionate Culture.