Saturday, August 19, 2017

Crossing Paths of Widowhood

Last time we were together was at her Retirement Party. Time before that was her husband's funeral; a death totally unexpected and sudden. 

We'd exchanged a few on line messages but it had been two years since we'd actually spent some time together talking

I saw her across the room and thought, "she's changed" ...  and "so have I".

Two widows who'd met serving as Board Members for an organization providing needed services to our growing Seniors population. 

She was appointed, I was elected. 

She represented a major company influential in providing services to the entire community while I was elected to represent primarily Seniors who used specific area Senior Centers funded by the State. 

She's retired; I'm actively working. 

My friend had news. She was moving to Florida. And, the big news, she was getting married again!

We have similar interests but we're also somewhat different.

I've not found a want or a need to consider finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. 

I'm happy for my friend when I hear how her life changed when she lost her husband;

She'd taken her husband's death hard. She went to work, came home, fell in bed to sleep. It was another friend who finally reached through and brought her up and out of her depression.

My trauma of Mom's challenges and everything involved as detailed in this blog with the false accusations of Elder Abuse and the Undue Influence of Julia was my focus; that and financial survival without a job and having gone through almost every asset we had.

A son lived with her, he was in high school. Sons are different from daughters, most of them. Compassion and caregiving along with communication aren't as much a part of their "make up" as daughters. 

I am thankful every day my "end child" was a girl. 

Two sons were great. Companions for one another. Boys seem to "need" that when they're young. Like young creatures everywhere they're more physical, more needing "bouncing off" others.

Not meaning to be "sexist" in my statements, just observation of behavior of the majority within the groups and I know there are variations on the "theme" of sons and daughters.

My friend's son is older, he has a job and he's staying here. Her husband to be also has a son, finishing high school, ready to move out, ready to move on, has a girl friend. 

Geography isn't a friendship breaker the way it could be years ago. 

I recall moving as I grew up and not having the "life long" friends of those I met who'd bonded since "grade school".  

I've been somewhat of a loner although valuing the friendships and relationships established along life's way.

My married life centered around my husband, his family and my family, his work, my work, the businesses we built together and being a multi generational family with my Mom joining us when our first child was two months old, and that included our "entertaining". 

We often move through life changing while staying the same.

My friend is having work done on her home to prepare to sell it and buy a Condo in Florida. She went through a list of positives about moving there and they did sound good, I must admit.

She has someone. I have someone. Hers is building a new family; mine is continuing the multi generational family started decades ago.

Our lives move forward in somewhat different directions but the steps along the way have been challenged with that loss, that deep cutting removal. I understand her choices. She understands mine.

Relatively new friends in the measure of days of life brought together through a common interest and now building on another commonality with our life changes.

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