My Father's Belt In Oldest Son's Hand

My father, true to the times, believed a popular parenting directive --  "spare the rod, spoil the child"  

Dad used his belt, removed as a threat, prepared and on the ready, from the time he woke until he left our apartment, or went to bed where it lay beside him.

A constant threat, a reminder of who was "in control".

Applied on my body to wherever his arm could reach for any word or action on my part challenging his authority & his control and reminding me of his "right" to correct me.

I was an only child, or so I believed until I was an adult and realized the picture in a drawer of him, a woman, a young girl and a young boy was a picture of Dad's "first family". 

I had two siblings. To this day I have never met them. Since they were quite a bit older, they may no longer be with us. Guess I could do "Ancestry.com" but then I don't know what to say about why I connected . . . don't know why I would or even should.

Children of abuse and divorce were not seen and not heard. When people asked "What does your father do?" I was at a loss because I didn't know where, what or even if, he was working or somewhere passed out, sleeping "it" off.

Dad was an alcoholic. Drinking was a pass-time in those days. Men who'd been to War, either WW1 and/or WW2, returned "different" and alcohol numbed the brain . . . although it turned many into being "dependent" on this "drug", first of choice and then of "habit". 

My first born son, you've been a challenge physically, mentally and emotionally. Unfortunately, you have followed in my father's footsteps.

Your "belt" is your actions and words.You took that belt on line including trying to strike me harder through including people in the "chain of conversation" you thought might subjugate me to your wants, needs and will, or at least "humiliate" me into not disputing and questioning why you wrote untruths about me and about your family.

Sadly, you joined with another, a spouse, who expanded your reach and picked up the belt to add her own form of punishment often leading the way you chose.

I'm curious, firstborn Son: What did and do you get out of closing me out of my grandchildren's lives?  

You also closed out your father and for a long time your Grandmother who lived with us as a multigenerational family.

Like a small child you pick up your "toys" and leave because you choose not to face life realities -- ignoring them, covering them up, pushing them aside.Choosing not to face up to your actions and responsibilities.

One by one your children are becoming adults. One day they'll realize there are unanswered questions and total misrepresentations of facts and truths.

They'll question why their cousins saw "their Dad's family" but they didn't. 

We, your birth family,  know too much, experienced your abuse first hand and have the capability and capacity to discuss this with "the children", especially those who have reached the legal age of 21 when, and if, they get outside your control.

So many false statements. Inability to control yourself. Dangerous choices involving yourself and others --  because "you could find a way, you wanted to do it, or you just moved with the moment and caused severe challenges for others and yourself".

Since you were in High School, in College and after you graduated, we've hid the truth about your actions and the mental, physical and monetary damages you caused including that Summer day when you struck me to the ground and broke off my back teeth on both sides of my mouth then physically knocked your father down, beat on him and kicked him, causing physical damage possibly shortening his life.

Years later, you told me, when I mentioned I was going to the Dentist to get work done -- work that would once again cost a few thousand dollars -- I should have had repairs done "when it happened", not years later.  

I had. Breaking off two teeth meant replacement; this lasts about ten to twenty years. Then it's time to get another replacement. 

You took no responsibility and still do not. 

Your then "girlfriend", now your wife, moved to the driver's seat, started the car and encouraged you to "Run!" 

We learned you "ran" to the Church we attended. One of you apparently thought if we called the Police you would be safe; you would have "sanctuary".

We gave you a life of privilege filled with opportunity and possibilities. It wasn't that we were "rich" or even "well to do" -- Dad and I worked hard to give all three of you better lives, educational opportunities, and so much more.

The question remains -- why do I tolerate your manipulation and control of so many years when "the children" are entering adulthood believing their grandparents and great-grandparent didn't care about them when they were actually abused physically and mentally?

Perhaps this Blog will be seen by one of them who will have the courage to reach out, to ask questions and to look through the real history, the reality of what happened.

I will continue to hope and to pray that happens.

You returned our "gifts" by making decisions that could have greatly affected your safety and well being and even your life and that of your younger brother and a friend.

It began in High School, continued in College and into your life without care or concern how your poor decisions hurt others.

The "belt" you used will strike back at you as you wielded it towards others. Just as my father's did to him.