Thursday, July 3, 2025

Label, Classify & Pigeonhole

LABELS are a challenge 
to all ages and groups in society. 

They come with varying shapes and durability. 
Some can be temporary and others permanent. 

Many do not deserve 
the strength they're given.

Ever hear someone say 
about a person with Dementia 
how "childlike" they are?
 
We don't say to those
beyond a certain age as Adults, 
"you're so adult". 

We feel perfectly comfortable
referring to the actions & behaviors 
of Seniors as "childlike"

Believing they have poor hearing
Inability to see well
Surely not able to "care".
 
Allowing ourselves to believe 
this is acceptable and expected.

We fail to recognize 
Dementia isn't one size fits all.
 
Seniors have the ability 
to take offense at hearing 
this "labeling"of themselves 
or others in this way. 

Some parents caution other adults
"Be careful what you say"
Citing the name of a Child
Admonishing about they're "listening".

Some people believe
Aging always means
Loss of sight and sound

When we use the term "childlike",
we often believe the person 
is incapable of understanding, 
or hearing what was said.

To the contrary,
Many are quite competent
"I hear you", they want to say
Soon you will have "your day" 

Those values of behavior 
are generally used comparing 
and contrasting actions and words 
to expectations of what we think 
should be seen or heard.

If, however, we use a comparison,
once used with men versus women -- 
that's "feminine" or that's "masculine"--
we would be looked at by society 
as being "chauvinistic" or "feminist".

As a society, 
we need to remove 
this "Senioristic" 
set of labels 
that starts early 
in today's life expectancy. 

Too soon we begin 
to devalue individuals 
with "Seniorism" and "Ageism".

We feel comfortable 
with adding 
additional labels, 
including "childlike". 

Too many times
It's medications.
 
Recall how you've reacted
Given "meds" 
Your body can't tolerate?

We spend years of life working 
to leave "childhood" behind, 
to become independent, 
self sufficient, capable, 
productive and more. 

Only to be told, 
or have someone talk about
those around us, in our age group
or a little older, as being: "childlike"? 

It's offensive for those 
who can hear,
understand and care. 
It's as offensive as talking 
religion, skin color, 
sexuality, gender.

In the United States age denotes ability. 
Advancing age or achieved age 
brings beliefs there are specific levels
of ability and capability, 
seen as "good" or "not good". 

You are categorized and pigeonholed 
for achieving what we all aim for -- 
gaining life experience and knowledge. 

A few are accepted and even revered, 
most are set aside and walked away from.

We should weigh carefully 
our choice of descriptive words. 

Using "childlike" can be seen as 
"loving, caring and wanting to protect". 

Those actions may be seen 
as well intentioned, 
they also act as a lessening
of the value of a person. 

Just try calling an adult woman
 a "girl" or adult man a "boy", 
especially if they happen to be 
of a certain ethnicity. . . 
 
How acceptable to them is
your "endearment" of 
"She's such a nice girl" or 
"He's really a great boy" ?

Childlike because of their constant smiles
like one woman I visit in Mom's old facility?  
Because of her constant mantra: 
"Honey", "Honey", "Honey"? 

Or perhaps like another woman
who always seems to be frowning;
everything she says has a "negative sound" 
like she's angry -- due to muscle inability.

She's characterized 
as someone 
mad at the world, 
probably always has been.

The first woman's response 
may be part of her earlier adult life 
when she interacted with a husband,
or a family member,
her pet name for them was "Honey". 

This piece of memory remains.
She looks for this person all around her.
She calls out for him/her 
as her mind reaches out 
using what remains of this memory.

The second woman 
may have led a life 
where being aggressive and assertive 
was part of her everyday life.
 
She might be reacting 
to what she sees and hears in the facility 
and it's her way of ensuring 
she keeps it from happening to her.

Individuals All.
Lives Lived.
Caregiving, uplifting,
Now put down
By a society 
Valuing " high competency".

Wednesday, July 2, 2025

Long Term Widow Survivor

Originally written 
more as a "Diary"
June 17, 2015.

Yes, I wrote 
that long ago.
Did not have the 
"courage" to share.
Did not believe anyone
would read or care.
 
To put thoughts 
on a page 
I could return to 
when the loss 
of loved ones 
and the challenges 
rise to the surface.

Just stepped back 
a few months
to December 2023, 
someone telling me to 
"Get Over It! 
He's been gone 
a long time . . . ." 
words that demean, attack.

It's like an indelible stamp. 
Death of a spouse.
 
Couple with the death 
of a beloved Mother 
who'd lived with you 
for almost four decades.

Loss of family 
Is loss of self.
It takes more
than time can tell.

it's more than just 
"someone passing" 
and you move forward. 

It's a major life change 
affecting daily living.

Does it fade with time 
or only if someone
enters your life? 

Can the pain and loss
be replaced with 
more positive thoughts?

Your spouse has passed. 
You get letters and cards 
honoring the person. 

Friends and acquaintances 
express their condolences,  
their concerns for you -- 
for a while.

You must move on.
It's time to stop grieving.
You have a life to live.
He would have wanted you to.

Life goes on. 
That's it. 
Adjust. Move on. 

Looking back 
I remember 
sermons in Church 
after my husband passed 
about the "goodness" 
of the single life, of
remaining true to the one 
that's been "lost".  

I didn't really 
get the message 
back then.
 
Since I've chosen 
to move beyond that place, 
I somehow find the memories 
of those advisories 
to be directed towards me, 
even though I had no thought then, 
or do I now, of "moving on" 
with someone else.

My daughter had mentioned 
there was someone, a man, 
who wondered how long
I'd "stay a widow".

He thought I'd remarry quickly. 
Why?  I wonder. 
Didn't bother to ask. 
Had no interest in having 
any conversation with him.

That was January 2011, 
my husband's funeral. 

Husband and I had 
a special bond 
forged over melding 
similarities and differences 
from our first meeting 
to our last time together.

Some people just don't have
what used to be 
referred to as "class" 
to say that in front of 
an immediate family member.

But then 
there's no accounting 
for people's inability 
to have what was also called
 "manners" or the foresight 
to know what to say, 
when to say it, 
and where to say it.

Oh, well.  Moving forward.

We're allowed to talk
about the pet we had as a child
and how much we missed 
the dog, cat or even goldfish 
when it died -- 

but people don't really want to hear 
about a dead spouse.

There is life in the here and now after death. 
For some it's a return to normal.
For others it's life continuing down a path 
somewhat planned, somewhat by chance,
 moving forward, sometimes looking back.

Maybe a son remembers
it's still a difficult time -- 
Father's Day and His Birthday, 
Our Anniversary.

Perhaps it's because 
my husband passed 
at a time in life 
when we were supposed 
to be beginning 
to enjoy our "freedom" 
from work, from the everyday.

A new start.
Now singular rather than plural.

The Chosen Ones

A society that loses or misplaces                                                               Compassion and Concern                                                                                     Turns a corner leading nowhere

Time to recall those who supported,
Replaced our bravest called to War,
Others placed on fields to secure
A piece of land protestors found.

These are not "New Times"
They are History Repeating Itself
Times we thought we'd passed
Securing equality and safety

When you do your evening walk
Children in tow,
Dogs on a leash,
Saying an occasional " Hi"
To neighbors old and new. . .

See the destruction
You viewed on your "screen"
Realizing War begins over
Labeling, Classifying and Pigeonholing.

Every neighborhood, every continent,
Is a step away from repeating History.

Our Globe is finite.
Space will allow a selected few.
Thought of as "Pioneers'
Who Will Be "The Chosen Ones"

Monday, June 30, 2025

Knowledge Is Power

To know is to enable
To see is to understand.

Life Is A Journey
We hold in our hands.

I feel a need to share.
To show the world I care.

To find others who listen.
To find others "out there".

It's what's "behind the curtain"
Unknown until we face.

That makes us feel uncertain
That scares us as we race.

Every nation, every state
Bears the challenges we face.

Four decades I had a front row seat
It took the last few to realize and "meet"

A contender for life and taking away
It's general name 'Dementia"
Once here, it plans to stay.

If I could turn back time
If today were yesterday
I'd have more ability to act
More ability to say:

It's a medical condition
As so many are during life.

Let's find the source
Let's enable and eliminate strife.

Why do you write?
What can you gain?

Good questions both.
The journey is my aim.

If I do not share
It means I do not care.

To not reach out
Is to refuse to see.
What's right in front.... of me.

We spent decades as one family
Until one person felt the need 
To "bring us down"
To tear us apart
To make life miserable
With each day's start.

Dementia is medical
There is a source to find
Right now all we believe
Is it's focused in our "mind".

When we respect 
Age as life steps
We'll care enough 
To learn the dance

The one where we 
Will move along life's path

What if, I ask, as is my way
If there were other players
On this life stage?

Medications or additives
Hidden in our foods?
None what we would choose.

When will someone
Take up that cause
Realizing we are what we eat.

We are how we're treated.
Our lives are in your hands.

Sunday, June 29, 2025

AGEISM Begins at Twenty -- Part 1

Mom passed in January of her 100th year.
People kept telling me how fortunate I was 
And how I would "follow in her footsteps".

Figure if I would, I should do some research
Even though the internet is available
I prefer methods used since childhood.

Stopping by a local library several days ago, 
decided to wander the aisles 
as I've done since I was a small child.
 
A habit that's become a great life gift 
I suggest everyone pick up.

On one shelftop was a book
standing on display by itself. 

I wasn't looking for any specific subject, 
title or writer, but this book
caught my eye and I'm glad it did:

Fighting the New Ageism in America
by Margaret Morganroth Gullette

It's not a quick read and some areas 
may need to be reread.
 
Ms. Gullette, in my opinion, 
shows many of our life challenges 
for what they really are.

We used to call them "prejudices" --
but then new labels 
added "ism" to many words 
including  sexism, racism & ageism.

DEMENTIA. 
The belief this affliction 
cannot be managed, 
delayed or avoided leads to
 
AGEISM 
which classifies 
anyone beyond the age of 50 
as "questionable" 
as to what they can learn 
and what they still retain.

SHIFTED "ISM" 
FROM SEXISM TO AGEISM.  
In the 1960's,
women were pushing 
for an Equal Rights Amendment.
 
The outcry then was:
"If a woman takes a job, 
she takes it from a man. 
There won't be enough 
jobs to go around."

Today, with repercussions from 
the "Great Recession", 
the outcry has become:

Step Aside, We Need Jobs
Not Just "Any Jobs"

We're Ready to Take Over
Run Businesses

After all, we have AI
No need to climb the ladder.

Thief In The Night

LBD, once thought                                                                                                           to be a “rare" Dementia                                                               

NOW a major challenger                                                                                                 to Alzheimer's                                                                                                       as a Most Prominent                                                                                                       type of Dementia.

My oldest son 

still doesn't believe 

his Grandmother 

had Dementia.

 

He could not then, 

and cannot now, 

grasp this disease's 

variations, length of time 

and scope of impact 

on the individual & caregivers


My youngest son took

almost two years 

to recognize

his Grandmother 

had significant 

mental processing 

problems.


Daughter lived with us 

the longest.

Went to College locally.

She understands:

LBD is A Thief In The Night


Lived through many 

painful episodes 

trying to convince  

"the boys" with limited amount 

of material available.


One of the principal 

components of LBD                                                                                                       is the presence of 

hallucinations/delusions                                                                                                 and ability to be "influenced".

Mom had "visions" of people

outside our house in early 2010.

 

People dressed in clothing 

more early twentieth century 

and small town styles. 


We wrote if off to

a book she was reading,

A memory she recalled,

It's a sign of Dementia.

 

We thought it was 

her eyesight.

Cataracts & 

macular degeneration.

That was before we knew

 about LBD.

 

Mom's nose ran constantly.

Sounds silly but this is

a "warning sign" for LBD. 

We also wrote it off 

to medications received.

For a urinary tract infection.


Mom passed in her 100th year

Two years in a "facility"

Not our choice --

Predator's


Some abuse for money

Others have an agenda.


They're not all 

impoverished

Ours was privileged


We thought she was kind

She was manipulative.

She was vengeful.


She walked on Sundays

In the procession

Carrying the Bible


Preaching, teaching,

Predator in sheep's clothing.


Beware those who self invite

Their agenda is to "stir the pot"


To get close, to blend in

Like any great hunter for prey.


They manipulate, control

Walk away with money

And even the family home.


We felt something 

didn't seem "right".


Especially when my only

credit card was 

cancelled suddenly.


Then called by a local

Long Term Care

Asking when to 

expect My Mom.


This woman

had been a Nurse.

She knew how to 

"work the system".


Abusers come 

in all shapes and sizes

Man or woman,

Young or old.


Rich or poor,

For some it's a game.

For others, control.


They are thieves,

With no respect.

Predators who

Seek "The Hunt"


They're bold

They have no shame

Ruining lives is their game.


Saturday, June 28, 2025

Chasing My "Self"

What’s with this surging need?                                                                                       I sit and type and wonder why.                                                                                         The words come flying out of “the sky”.   

Have they been hiding all along

If so, I’ll use them as “My Song”.

 

Am I poised to live and learn

Will I continue to actively earn?

 

So many questions, 

far less time

Will I burn or will I shine?

 

Does it matter any way

If I choose to have my say?

 

Like bursts of light

Words join as if in flight.

 

Like Geese in the air

They join and create


Winter is harsh

It hides their food


They know they, too,

Have a lot to lose.

.

We humans see

We’re not fools.

 

Each finds their special tools

To survive and to wait,

Knowing there IS 

an expiration date.

 

While we can, we do;

When we can’t, we won’t.

 

Today I have the choice

Today I raise my voice.

 

A wrinkle here,

A slower step there.

 

Be careful, Mom, I’m told

A loving hand extends to hold.


Perfectly capable --

Yet "she" has some "fear".


She watched her Grandmother

And shed many tears.

 

Megaphones screech

Across the electronic page

Telling me I’m worthless

Just because of “age”

 

Then why, tell me please,

Do YOU want to incur

More candles each year

If you see "in me"

What you most fear?

 

You can’t wait to age

You see it as a “perk”

Let me tell you, my “friend”

That’s acting like a “jerk”

 

Value what you have

Embrace where you are

Soon you’ll hear the shouts

Causing you to doubt.

 

Others have been born

They demand a place.

Wanting to take yours

It’s going to be your fate.

 

It’s a life story,

Filled with doubt and worry.

 

Stand up, speak out

It’s never too late.

Spread love abundantly

Let others build lives with hate.

 

Strange how survival 

is seen as distress

It causes concerns 

and such a mess!

 

We’re blamed for the actions 

The deeds and the plans

All to build fortunes

From what we achieved

And refuse to “concede”.

 

Life seemed to drag

Then it flew by fast

It’s Memories moving forward

Relclaimed from my past.

 

“I’m fine, thanks for asking

Sleeping well, eating right”.

You know you’re quickly aging

When many health questions 

come to light.

 

Of course my end 

is closer in sight. . .

How fortunate I am 

to know it’s not tonight. 

Wednesday, June 25, 2025

Changing Directions

Each year I add, goes faster,
The past looks farther,
The future closer.

Making time 
Not taking time
Borrowing
Lending
Saving time

Realizing 
Life is shortening
Pulling
Pushing
Wondering why

Will what I do
Make a pinhole
Difference
In life?
Does it need to?

I reach out far.
I bring in close.
No way to measure.
Just know.

Sit, walk, talk.
Visit, See, Question.
Same path taken.
Some results, some not.

A butterfly, a moth.
Different yet same.
I'll try to touch. 
More flowers.
Along life's short byways.

Will I make a difference?
Will time reward my "trys"?
Will you stop and listen?
Or turn and walk away.

Not your problem.
Don't have time.
So far in the future.
Why should I care?

Take a deep breath.
The future is now.
How you walk and talk.
Will get us there.

If lucky, you'll live 
To times to consider
Why you did not hear.

Blinders and earplugs
Driven to distress
Time is your enemy
Or your closest friend.

Listen, learn
Most important care.
Bring others to the table
There's a lot to share.

We and You
Can make a difference.
A lifetime shows the way.

All that's needed
Is your Caring,
Sharing. Persevering.

Today. Do it today!
Ask. Look. Listen.
Join hands and hearts.
You Are The World.