Label, Classify & Pigeonhole

LABELS are a challenge 

to all ages and groups in society. 

They come with varying shapes and durability. 

Some can be temporary and others permanent. 

Many do not deserve 

the strength they're given.

Ever hear someone say 

about a person with Dementia 

how "childlike" they are?
 

We don't say to those

beyond a certain age as Adults, 

"you're so adult". 

We feel perfectly comfortable

referring to the actions & behaviors 

of Seniors as "childlike"

Believing they have poor hearing

Inability to see well

Surely not able to "care".

 

Allowing ourselves to believe 

this is acceptable and expected.

We fail to recognize 

Dementia isn't one size fits all.

 

Seniors have the ability 

to take offense at hearing 

this "labeling"of themselves 

or others in this way. 

Some parents caution other adults

"Be careful what you say"

Citing the name of a Child

Admonishing about they're "listening".

Some people believe

Aging always means

Loss of sight and sound

When we use the term "childlike",

we often believe the person 

is incapable of understanding, 

or hearing what was said.

To the contrary,

Many are quite competent

"I hear you", they want to say

Soon you will have "your day" 

Those values of behavior 

are generally used comparing 

and contrasting actions and words 

to expectations of what we think 

should be seen or heard.

If, however, we use a comparison,

once used with men versus women -- 

that's "feminine" or that's "masculine"--

we would be looked at by society 

as being "chauvinistic" or "feminist".

As a society, 

we need to remove 

this "Senioristic" 

set of labels 

that starts early 

in today's life expectancy. 

Too soon we begin 

to devalue individuals 

with "Seniorism" and "Ageism".

We feel comfortable 

with adding 

additional labels, 

including "childlike". 

Too many times

It's medications.

 

Recall how you've reacted

Given "meds" 

Your body can't tolerate?

We spend years of life working 

to leave "childhood" behind, 

to become independent, 

self sufficient, capable, 

productive and more. 

Only to be told, 

or have someone talk about

those around us, in our age group

or a little older, as being: "childlike"? 

It's offensive for those 

who can hear,

understand and care. 

It's as offensive as talking 

religion, skin color, 

sexuality, gender.

In the United States age denotes ability. 

Advancing age or achieved age 

brings beliefs there are specific levels

of ability and capability, 

seen as "good" or "not good". 

You are categorized and pigeonholed 

for achieving what we all aim for -- 

gaining life experience and knowledge. 

A few are accepted and even revered, 

most are set aside and walked away from.

We should weigh carefully 

our choice of descriptive words. 

Using "childlike" can be seen as 

"loving, caring and wanting to protect". 

Those actions may be seen 

as well intentioned, 

they also act as a lessening

of the value of a person. 

Just try calling an adult woman

 a "girl" or adult man a "boy", 

especially if they happen to be 

of a certain ethnicity. . . 

 

How acceptable to them is

your "endearment" of 

"She's such a nice girl" or 

"He's really a great boy" ?

Childlike because of their constant smiles

like one woman I visit in Mom's old facility?  

Because of her constant mantra: 

"Honey", "Honey", "Honey"? 

Or perhaps like another woman

who always seems to be frowning;

everything she says has a "negative sound" 

like she's angry -- due to muscle inability.

She's characterized 

as someone 

mad at the world, 

probably always has been.

The first woman's response 

may be part of her earlier adult life 

when she interacted with a husband,

or a family member,

her pet name for them was "Honey". 

This piece of memory remains.

She looks for this person all around her.

She calls out for him/her 

as her mind reaches out 

using what remains of this memory.

The second woman 

may have led a life 

where being aggressive and assertive 

was part of her everyday life.

 

She might be reacting 

to what she sees and hears in the facility 

and it's her way of ensuring 

she keeps it from happening to her.

Individuals All.

Lives Lived.

Caregiving, uplifting,

Now put down

By a society 

Valuing " high competency".

Long Term Widow Survivor

Originally written 

more as a "Diary"

June 17, 2015.

Yes, I wrote 

that long ago.

Did not have the 

"courage" to share.

Did not believe anyone

would read or care.

 

To put thoughts 

on a page 

I could return to 

when the loss 

of loved ones 

and the challenges 

rise to the surface.

Just stepped back 

a few months

to December 2023, 

someone telling me to 

"Get Over It! 

He's been gone 

a long time . . . ." 

words that demean, attack.

It's like an indelible stamp. 

Death of a spouse.

 

Couple with the death 

of a beloved Mother 

who'd lived with you 

for almost four decades.

Loss of family 

Is loss of self.

It takes more

than time can tell.

it's more than just 

"someone passing" 

and you move forward. 

It's a major life change 

affecting daily living.

Does it fade with time 

or only if someone

enters your life? 

Can the pain and loss

be replaced with 

more positive thoughts?

Your spouse has passed. 

You get letters and cards 

honoring the person. 

Friends and acquaintances 

express their condolences,  

their concerns for you -- 

for a while.

You must move on.

It's time to stop grieving.

You have a life to live.

He would have wanted you to.

Life goes on. 

That's it. 

Adjust. Move on. 

Looking back 

I remember 

sermons in Church 

after my husband passed 

about the "goodness" 

of the single life, of

remaining true to the one 

that's been "lost".  

I didn't really 

get the message 

back then.

 

Since I've chosen 

to move beyond that place, 

I somehow find the memories 

of those advisories 

to be directed towards me, 

even though I had no thought then, 

or do I now, of "moving on" 

with someone else.

My daughter had mentioned 

there was someone, a man, 

who wondered how long

I'd "stay a widow".

He thought I'd remarry quickly. 

Why?  I wonder. 

Didn't bother to ask. 

Had no interest in having 

any conversation with him.

That was January 2011, 

my husband's funeral. 

Husband and I had 

a special bond 

forged over melding 

similarities and differences 

from our first meeting 

to our last time together.

Some people just don't have

what used to be 

referred to as "class" 

to say that in front of 

an immediate family member.

But then 

there's no accounting 

for people's inability 

to have what was also called

 "manners" or the foresight 

to know what to say, 

when to say it, 

and where to say it.

Oh, well.  Moving forward.

We're allowed to talk

about the pet we had as a child

and how much we missed 

the dog, cat or even goldfish 

when it died -- 

but people don't really want to hear 

about a dead spouse.

There is life in the here and now after death. 

For some it's a return to normal.

For others it's life continuing down a path 

somewhat planned, somewhat by chance,

 moving forward, sometimes looking back.

Maybe a son remembers

it's still a difficult time -- 

Father's Day and His Birthday, 

Our Anniversary.

Perhaps it's because 

my husband passed 

at a time in life 

when we were supposed 

to be beginning 

to enjoy our "freedom" 

from work, from the everyday.

A new start.

Now singular rather than plural.

The Chosen Ones

A society that loses or misplaces                                                               Compassion and Concern                                                                                     Turns a corner leading nowhere

Time to recall those who supported,

Replaced our bravest called to War,

Others placed on fields to secure

A piece of land protestors found.

These are not "New Times"

They are History Repeating Itself

Times we thought we'd passed

Securing equality and safety

When you do your evening walk

Children in tow,

Dogs on a leash,

Saying an occasional " Hi"

To neighbors old and new. . .

See the destruction

You viewed on your "screen"

Realizing War begins over

Labeling, Classifying and Pigeonholing.

Every neighborhood, every continent,

Is a step away from repeating History.

Our Globe is finite.

Space will allow a selected few.

Thought of as "Pioneers'

Who Will Be "The Chosen Ones"

Knowledge Is Power

To know is to enable

To see is to understand.

Life Is A Journey

We hold in our hands.

I feel a need to share.

To show the world I care.

To find others who listen.

To find others "out there".

It's what's "behind the curtain"

Unknown until we face.

That makes us feel uncertain

That scares us as we race.

Every nation, every state

Bears the challenges we face.

Four decades I had a front row seat

It took the last few to realize and "meet"

A contender for life and taking away

It's general name 'Dementia"

Once here, it plans to stay.

If I could turn back time

If today were yesterday

I'd have more ability to act

More ability to say:

It's a medical condition

As so many are during life.

Let's find the source

Let's enable and eliminate strife.

Why do you write?

What can you gain?

Good questions both.

The journey is my aim.

If I do not share

It means I do not care.

To not reach out

Is to refuse to see.

What's right in front.... of me.

We spent decades as one family

Until one person felt the need 

To "bring us down"

To tear us apart

To make life miserable

With each day's start.

Dementia is medical

There is a source to find

Right now all we believe

Is it's focused in our "mind".

When we respect 

Age as life steps

We'll care enough 

To learn the dance

The one where we 

Will move along life's path

What if, I ask, as is my way

If there were other players

On this life stage?

Medications or additives

Hidden in our foods?

None what we would choose.

When will someone

Take up that cause

Realizing we are what we eat.

We are how we're treated.

Our lives are in your hands.

AGEISM Begins at Twenty -- Part 1

Mom passed in January of her 100th year.

People kept telling me how fortunate I was 

And how I would "follow in her footsteps".

Figure if I would, I should do some research

Even though the internet is available

I prefer methods used since childhood.

Stopping by a local library several days ago, 

decided to wander the aisles 

as I've done since I was a small child.

 

A habit that's become a great life gift 

I suggest everyone pick up.

On one shelftop was a book

standing on display by itself. 

I wasn't looking for any specific subject, 

title or writer, but this book

caught my eye and I'm glad it did:

Fighting the New Ageism in America

by Margaret Morganroth Gullette

It's not a quick read and some areas 

may need to be reread.

 

Ms. Gullette, in my opinion, 

shows many of our life challenges 

for what they really are.

We used to call them "prejudices" --

but then new labels 

added "ism" to many words 

including  sexism, racism & ageism.

DEMENTIA. 

The belief this affliction 

cannot be managed, 

delayed or avoided leads to

 

AGEISM 

which classifies 

anyone beyond the age of 50 

as "questionable" 

as to what they can learn 

and what they still retain.

SHIFTED "ISM" 

FROM SEXISM TO AGEISM.  

In the 1960's,

women were pushing 

for an Equal Rights Amendment.

 

The outcry then was:

"If a woman takes a job, 

she takes it from a man. 

There won't be enough 

jobs to go around."

Today, with repercussions from 

the "Great Recession", 

the outcry has become:

Step Aside, We Need Jobs

Not Just "Any Jobs"

We're Ready to Take Over

Run Businesses

After all, we have AI

No need to climb the ladder.

Thief In The Night

LBD, once thought                                                                                                           to be a “rare" Dementia                                                               

NOW a major challenger                                                                                                 to Alzheimer's                                                                                                       as a Most Prominent                                                                                                       type of Dementia.

My oldest son 

still doesn't believe 

his Grandmother 

had Dementia.

 

He could not then, 

and cannot now, 

grasp this disease's 

variations, length of time 

and scope of impact 

on the individual & caregivers

My youngest son took

almost two years 

to recognize

his Grandmother 

had significant 

mental processing 

problems.

Daughter lived with us 

the longest.

Went to College locally.

She understands:

LBD is A Thief In The Night

Lived through many 

painful episodes 

trying to convince  

"the boys" with limited amount 

of material available.

One of the principal 

components of LBD                                                                                                       is the presence of 

hallucinations/delusions                                                                                                 and ability to be "influenced".

Mom had "visions" of people

outside our house in early 2010.

 

People dressed in clothing 

more early twentieth century 

and small town styles. 

We wrote if off to

a book she was reading,

A memory she recalled,

It's a sign of Dementia.

 

We thought it was 

her eyesight.

Cataracts & 

macular degeneration.

That was before we knew

 about LBD.

 

Mom's nose ran constantly.

Sounds silly but this is

a "warning sign" for LBD. 

We also wrote it off 

to medications received.

For a urinary tract infection.

Mom passed in her 100th year

Two years in a "facility"

Not our choice --

Predator's

Some abuse for money

Others have an agenda.

They're not all 

impoverished

Ours was privileged

We thought she was kind

She was manipulative.

She was vengeful.

She walked on Sundays

In the procession

Carrying the Bible

Preaching, teaching,

Predator in sheep's clothing.

Beware those who self invite

Their agenda is to "stir the pot"

To get close, to blend in

Like any great hunter for prey.

They manipulate, control

Walk away with money

And even the family home.

We felt something 

didn't seem "right".

Especially when my only

credit card was 

cancelled suddenly.

Then called by a local

Long Term Care

Asking when to 

expect My Mom.

This woman

had been a Nurse.

She knew how to 

"work the system".

Abusers come 

in all shapes and sizes

Man or woman,

Young or old.

Rich or poor,

For some it's a game.

For others, control.

They are thieves,

With no respect.

Predators who

Seek "The Hunt"

They're bold

They have no shame

Ruining lives is their game.

Chasing My "Self"

What’s with this surging need?                                                                                       I sit and type and wonder why.                                                                                         The words come flying out of “the sky”.   

Have they been hiding all along

If so, I’ll use them as “My Song”.

 

Am I poised to live and learn

Will I continue to actively earn?

 

So many questions, 

far less time

Will I burn or will I shine?

 

Does it matter any way

If I choose to have my say?

 

Like bursts of light

Words join as if in flight.

 

Like Geese in the air

They join and create

Winter is harsh

It hides their food

They know they, too,

Have a lot to lose.

.

We humans see

We’re not fools.

 

Each finds their special tools

To survive and to wait,

Knowing there IS 

an expiration date.

 

While we can, we do;

When we can’t, we won’t.

 

Today I have the choice

Today I raise my voice.

 

A wrinkle here,

A slower step there.

 

Be careful, Mom, I’m told

A loving hand extends to hold.

Perfectly capable --

Yet "she" has some "fear".

She watched her Grandmother

And shed many tears.

 

Megaphones screech

Across the electronic page

Telling me I’m worthless

Just because of “age”

 

Then why, tell me please,

Do YOU want to incur

More candles each year

If you see "in me"

What you most fear?

 

You can’t wait to age

You see it as a “perk”

Let me tell you, my “friend”

That’s acting like a “jerk”

 

Value what you have

Embrace where you are

Soon you’ll hear the shouts

Causing you to doubt.

 

Others have been born

They demand a place.

Wanting to take yours

It’s going to be your fate.

 

It’s a life story,

Filled with doubt and worry.

 

Stand up, speak out

It’s never too late.

Spread love abundantly

Let others build lives with hate.

 

Strange how survival 

is seen as distress

It causes concerns 

and such a mess!

 

We’re blamed for the actions 

The deeds and the plans

All to build fortunes

From what we achieved

And refuse to “concede”.

 

Life seemed to drag

Then it flew by fast

It’s Memories moving forward

Relclaimed from my past.

 

“I’m fine, thanks for asking

Sleeping well, eating right”.

You know you’re quickly aging

When many health questions 

come to light.

 

Of course my end 

is closer in sight. . .

How fortunate I am 

to know it’s not tonight. 

Changing Directions

Each year I add, goes faster,

The past looks farther,

The future closer.

Making time 

Not taking time

Borrowing

Lending

Saving time

Realizing 

Life is shortening

Pulling

Pushing

Wondering why

Will what I do

Make a pinhole

Difference

In life?

Does it need to?

I reach out far.

I bring in close.

No way to measure.

Just know.

Sit, walk, talk.

Visit, See, Question.

Same path taken.

Some results, some not.

A butterfly, a moth.

Different yet same.

I'll try to touch. 

More flowers.

Along life's short byways.

Will I make a difference?

Will time reward my "trys"?

Will you stop and listen?

Or turn and walk away.

Not your problem.

Don't have time.

So far in the future.

Why should I care?

Take a deep breath.

The future is now.

How you walk and talk.

Will get us there.

If lucky, you'll live 

To times to consider

Why you did not hear.

Blinders and earplugs

Driven to distress

Time is your enemy

Or your closest friend.

Listen, learn

Most important care.

Bring others to the table

There's a lot to share.

We and You

Can make a difference.

A lifetime shows the way.

All that's needed

Is your Caring,

Sharing. Persevering.

Today. Do it today!

Ask. Look. Listen.

Join hands and hearts.

You Are The World.