WHY JULIA? Your Actions Abusing Mom Speak Volumes PART 1

Readers: Read and learn some of the "tricks of the trade" of ELDER ABUSERS we endured from a "Church Lady" we knew but didn't "KNOW".

Learn from my wanting, needing to trust. 

My husband had just returned home after over 100 days in the hospital, almost all the time spent in Critical Intensive Care -- constantly in and out so much it seemed like that was his hospital room.

Mom would accompany daughter and I to the Hospital as we struggled day after day believing what we were told. 

The internet wasn't the resource it is today. 

We trusted the Doctors. One, although not attending as he was a Pediatrician, was a neighbor across the street we'd known for decades. A friend.

We'd lived together as a MultiGenerational Family since 1971 -- it was 2010.

Husband went to an "interim" facility; not the one I hoped for but hoping he would get "rehab". I had no idea and no one ever told me the true extent of the physical damage and the physical challenges we really faced.

He came home. We'd rented a Hospital bed knowing he couldn't return to "the upstairs" where our bedroom was located.

I'd briefly been shown the two bags on his abdomen. Can't recall why it was such a shock except I think it was because the one time he and/or a Doctor showed me, there was only one.

The first full day he was home a call came from a woman who said she was asked to call us and offer to have a meal delivered each day for the entire month.

I felt so 

WHY, JULIA?  If you believed there was abuse, why did you go off on trips and not make contact with Mom for days and even weeks on end. 

Psychology teaches you can build "dependency" with closeness alternating with removing yourself from a relationship.

There were no regular visits and there were even times with very lengthy absences as evidenced by the many emails we exchanged.

The first "six months" were "infrequent contact".

The second "six months" were more involved.

When you managed to get the State of Missouri to believe your false, misleading and deceptive claims about "abuse" by a "registered reporter", you had "scored another mark on your wall of elder abuse".

 WHY, JULIA? As evidenced by emails we exchanged, did you always want to take Mom to Dr’s appointments? 

I asked for a referral to a different eye Dr from you because you worked with the elderly and took them to Dr’s apts. 

You chose to make the apt at a time and on a date for your convenience not mine and then asked me to give you Mom’s Social Security number and her birthdate to provide to the office.

I didn't give it to you. WHY DID YOU ASK?  

Mom was competent. 

When she went with me to Dr's she checked in. 

She didn't need "assistance".

WHY, JULIA?  Did you ask so many personal questions (and why was I such a fool and shared so much with you)?

You asked if I had Guardianship of Mom. 

What difference did that make when you weren’t a care giver, had no responsibilities and simply taking her out for a couple of hours and only going within a five mile radius of our home? 

Now that I’m past the challenges of 24/7 care giving for her and my husband I can think more clearly about these things.

WHY, JULIA?  

Was it so important you kept asking to spend time with her “alone” in our home? 

Tell us we could go out and you’d “visit” with her?  

Want to help her “organize” or “do things” in “her room”? 

Always wanted to take Mom to her room when you returned with her from one of your “outings” which we finally found out was simply sitting, usually at Steak n Shake, & talking.

WHAT EVIDENCE DID YOU PROVIDE WHEN YOU MADE THE ELDER ABUSE HOTLINE CALL, JULIA?  

Did you use the “Required Reporter” status of being a Registered Nurse?

That’s what you claimed to Mom. 

You told Mom you “had” to report me. 

FOR WHAT?  For what you needed her to believe and what you worked so hard to convince her was truth?

It was distorted truth for personal gain, Julia.

You let your license lapse in 2009 and renewed it back again early in 2010. 

Maybe the State of Missouri should investigate exactly when you really did reapply; they reinstate as of the first of the year retroactive but we both know it was well after that you reapplied.

Did you tell the State of Missouri you’d been working as a caregiver for elderly people with Dementia and Alzheimer’s, most in very advanced stages, giving medications and other nursing duties even though your license was expired?

You mentioned to me in Fall 2009 you worked for private pay, no insurance, as an individual, and offered to care for Mom when my husband went into the hospital in the early months.

Did not feel comfortable with the idea of having anyone but our daughter stay with Mom and she was capable of going with me so I took her along and we both visited.

You said you could give Mom meds and do anything else she needed to provide nursing care. 

Naturally, I thought you were fully licensed; it wasn’t until I started checking with the State I realized it had expired.

Legally, I believe, you shouldn’t have been providing those services with an expired license.

Julia H: A Public Plea To The Woman We Believe Used Undue Influence and Abused My Mom To Cease & Desist – Part III

WHY, JULIA?  Did you return my Mom to an environment that you believed was so emotionally and financially abusive when you "took her out"?   

WHY, JULIA?  WHY ENDANGER A VERY ELDERLY WOMAN in that way? Why not seek immediate removal?  

For that matter, why did the State of Missouri DHSS return Mom to an environment reported to be abusive?  

Why didn’t the State of Missouri DHSS get an immediate court order based on the fact you were a professional making an Elder Abuse Hotline Call on a very elderly Missouri resident get her removed immediately?  WHY, JULIA?  WHY, MODHSS?

WHY, JULIA?  When you took her out and were advised her Geriatric Specialist recommended using a wheelchair did you decide it “wasn’t necessary” cause you weren’t “going that far”. 

You’re a Registered Nurse, graduated from an excellent Nursing School, practiced Eldercare Professionally with Dementia and Alzheimer’s clients, I trusted you when you told Mom she could use a walker and then when you told her she could just use a cane, AND LEAN ON YOU IF SHE FELT WEAK OR LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO FALL.

Manipulation and Control. Confuse the elderly and their family.

You built a dependency; you fostered trust; you consoled Mom through touch and because you weren’t the primary caregiver and came and went when you wanted and how you wanted, you were “perfect” and “caring” and I became the “uncaring” and “imperfect” one.

WHEN, JULIA?  WHEN DID YOU DETERMINE MY MOM WAS FINANCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED?  When did you make the call; what day, date and time?  I have records of when you took Mom out with you, how long you spent and would really like to know how much additional “abuse” you felt no problem with subjecting a very elderly woman to since you were so concerned, as the law is written, MOM WAS IN IMMINENT DANGER AND NEEDED THE STATE TO INTERVENE.

That’s the job of Adult Protective Workers at the DHSS; intervention to ensure the safety and well being of Missouri’s Seniors. (Another entry will examine the meager qualifications of this position and why we believe there are others who have been abused by the DHSS system of hiring and promoting individuals with little or no experience, training, formal education (not necessary to have a Masters in Social Work OR be a Licensed Clinical Social Worker to get this well paying job).

.

DID YOU WORK WITH THE DHSS OR WAS IT YOUR IDEA AND INDIVIDUAL ACTION?

DID YOU INFLUENCE THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND SOCIAL SERVICES TO WORK WITH YOU TO REMOVE MY POWER OF ATTORNEY without benefit of a Judge’s order? 

You were very good at what you did, Julia, finding out so much about our lives; you asked if I had guardianship of my Mom, feigning concern for her “welfare” but actually determining how vulnerable we were. I told you I had a POA but really didn’t use it. Mom seemed competent but you knew she wasn’t; you’d spend hours with her sitting and talking, just sitting and talking.

JULIA, You’re a Registered Nurse; you’ve specialized in working with the elderly; specialized in Dementia and Alzheimer’s care.  You’ve been trained in psychological methods to gain trust and confidence.

WHY, JULIA? Did you have my mom take money out of our home, take her to the bank, open a safety deposit box, put your name and her name on it and YOU KEEP BOTH OF THE KEYS AND NOT TELL ANYONE, NO FAMILY MEMBER, about what you’d done?

I have three adult "children"; one who lives in the same house and two who live across the country. Why didn't you accuse my daughter who lived with us as well as me?  Or did you?

WHY, JULIA? Why didn't you act responsibly and contact my second son, who made trips to visit his Grandmother when he could, and voice your concerns? 

WHEN did these concerns cause you to contact the Elder Abuse Hotline?  You'd entered our home with the Church our family had been a member of for decades "managing" the evening meal deliveries to help us through my husband's return to our home, a medical bed and three wounds constantly draining.

BY THE WAY, you saw how challenging his wounds were but never once, as an RN, offered any assistance, to connect with HIS doctor and to help with HIS care.

WHY, JULIA?  Why did you get Mom to remove my Power of Attorney?  Hoping she’d give it to you? Believing mom had more money “stuffed away” if she’d managed to save so much in so little time?

WHY, JULIA?  Is Mom’s Social Security money, the money she received each month, the cash she insisted on keeping and from which she only used about $100 each month leaving over $600 to accumulate from about October, 2009 through July, 2010, MISSING; GONE; DISAPPEARED?  It took me several months to realize this fact; my husband’s serious medical conditions and eventual death consumed my focus for many months.

WHY, JULIA?  Do you continue to emotionally abuse my Mom visiting her in her Skilled Nursing Facility taking and returning items (testing her memory?) and creating stories she believes about someone re-entering her life who is going to “take her away” from the place she really doesn’t want to be, to “live happily ever after”?

WHY, JULIA? Do you continue to work, as you did before you came into our lives and wrecked such havoc, continue to work with the elderly, with those suffering from advanced Dementia, especially Alzheimer’s, on a private pay basis, for sons and daughters who live far enough away not to be able to take care of them personally? 

I asked you why you called the Elder Abuse Hotline; your answer:  

“You can’t prove it.”

Daughter asked you why you stole her grandmother's money, your answer:

"You can't prove it."