Friday, February 26, 2021

Creating Deeper Wounds vs Cleaning Them Up

Time does not always heal.  Time sometimes digs holes deeper, builds hills into mountains and creates chasms that grow wider separating and isolating.

Forgive, we're told. Unconditional love . . . we must give, we're told. Just as an untreated sore gets bigger and deeper, not all problems resolve themselves and like an untreated wound they can fester, grow and cause other damage.

Waiting for resolution often moves people farther apart and harms those on the sidelines who have no say, no control and no input.

Experiencing verbal, emotional and physical abuse sometimes cannot be healed by the passing of time alone.

How can people change history, walk/run away and continue living as though yesterday's actions and words were totally different from the reality and actuality of what was said and done?

Perhaps they're caught in a growing "web" of a life they believed in and thought was the right direction only to find it was a tangled web filled with deceit and deception against others while enduring pain and hardship trying to protect what they thought would and could be in their own lives.

To admit wrong, to admit injustice to be forthright about causing hardship and loss . . . 

It takes walking through life to the other side, turning around and reaching back, pulling aside the curtain created and moving the piles of actions, words and deeds that harmed another to satisfy a personal need . . .

It means setting your ego, your wants and needs aside, and moving the wrongdoing into the light acknowledging your part in creation and management were for your own benefit while at the expense of another's 

What did you say, how did you act, what part did you play in creating and escalating to arrive at this destination of separation and blame directed solely outwards without accepting any part in its creation or maintenance?

It's not just your life that's been in the middle of this situation. It's grown beyond into directly affecting those who played no part, had no responsibility and yet suffer the consequences of behaviors and actions of others.

My oldest Son wrapped himself in a cocoon of misinterpretations and lies about me and my caregiving of my husband, my concerns about my husband's brother while in the same hospital and my brother-in-law's daughter who felt her father was "taking too long" to die.

And then there was my Mother, who lived with us for four decades. We lived in the Midwest, Son lived close to the East Coast. He seldom called and mostly criticized. And then there were lies and many brutal verbal attacks and a physical attack.

So many times we'd tried but each time he and/or his girlfriend/housemate/wife would create situations that we were unable to accept as they tore apart reality substituting lies and behaviors meant to hurt and harm.