Caregiving Medical Errors & Omissions

What's it really like to "caregive" in your home?                                                         Depends on the family member, family unit, resources, income.

Who comes beside and "gives help"? 

In the United States, you're "expected" to have Health Care.                                       paid for monthly to "offset" the costs of living as you grow older.

In reality, spouses/partners are the ones providing.

Income for many has stopped.                                                                       Expenses climb and build debt hills and then mountains.

My husband spent 100 days in the Hospital.                                                               Almost all of that time in Critical Intensive Care.

He came home to a Hospital Bed Insurance didn't cover.   

For a little over a month, we had biweekly "visits".                                                           A "medical person" who "checked on" my husband.                      

After a couple of weeks I was told visits would be ending.                                               The "training" on wound care draining, removing, replacing was minimal. 

Memories Stick Like Glue -- the bags did not.

One bag became two, then three and finally four.

They filled with liquid quickly.

He could no longer get up and take care of emptying the bags.

I had 24/7 "duties" and no one to help.

Our oldest son, who lived across the country, never came to visit. When I asked for help, he told me I didn't know how to manage and I made his father sick.

On all sides I was torn apart;Doctors kept saying he needed to gain weight. 

They saw the bags, how they multiplied, until he could no longer do Dr visits and all they saw were an occasional report from a Nurse who came less and less frequently.

BE WARNED. YOUR MEDICAL PLAN IS YOUR LIFELINE.                                          What you receive, how you receive it and if it's even given is strictly done based on "how much you can spend" either from savings, insurance or prepaid programs. 

Told constantly: "Your husband needs to gain weight." 

Those were the "Doctor's Orders" and it became the mantra on every visit which quickly ended as our "time" ran out.

"The Doctor" says this can be done or that can be done.                                          We did not realize "the Dr" was using the inclusions of the Medical Insurance; no compassion or concern involved.

I trusted. I listened. I believed. 

They were the "experts".                                                                                                   I trusted their "professional ability".

They knew. They had to see.                                                                                   They'd cut into him.                                                                                                    A lancing that never should have happened.                                                                  The beginning of the end. 

The Widow's Walk is unplanned and unwanted.                                                         It happens every day.                                                                                                       It's a Sisterhood no one wants to join.

Taking Away The Car Keys

Daughter & I have some "interesting" talks.

Often on the spur of the moment and least expected.

"How do I take away your car keys?"

This was the question the other day.

Like "the talks" we've had as she transformed.

From "little girl" to "young woman"

Now she was"the leader" and I "the follower".

Shoe is definitely on the other foot.

Adulthood, responsibility, changing places.

Understand she's trying to find "the right time".

I get it, I really do. She's concerned.

My Mom lived with us for decades.

Our lives and hers were intertwined.

We were a Multi-Gen Family.

Now, she faces my aging. 

As I did with my mother.

 

I move into my Mom's"shoes"

Daughter slips into mine.

When we're a child we want to age.

When we become an adult we know better.

Life has pattterns.

Some we create, others take their own form.

I had just driven her to join her carpool. 

We were sitting waiting for her ride.

 

A few moments of silence. 

This "thought" came out without any warning.

Always championed my children asking questions.

We could talk about almost anything.

They were also taught about "time and place". 

Not to offend by some statements or questions.

What will I think, how will I act?

When I am in need of turning over the keys?

My precious mobility.

Freedom to come and go. 

Work and play, here and there. 

With whomever, whenever, wherever.

We need to have this conversation.

My daughter asked when my Mom stopped driving. 
Much better statement and approach.

Complimenting her choice of words 

I tell  myself, she's still a quick learner.

Hold that thought. 

Retain that phraseology.

Open Communication.

Low bridges, quick stops.

Wherever and however 

We journey together!

Stop Pushing Me!

Close the door and the windows, please.                                                                       I’m tired of insects who buzz around                                                                            Looking for somewhere to feed.

Do, Watch, Contribute More.

If you don’t, you’ll close The Door!

Everyone’s waiting just for you

They can’t go another day

Without knowing ‘What’s New”?

The pressure is strong

The days not so long

I juggle and leap

Getting very little sleep

 

If, When, How, Why

Everyone reaching for the Blue Sky

 

The Door That Will Open

Time that never stops

Life forever changed

When You’re “On The Top”

 

Remember those dolls?

I see at a glance

Their arms pulled to stretch

As we make them dance

 

Who’s pulling your strings?

Who’s igniting your fire?

What twists and turns? 

Until you feel your life burn?

The Treadmill 

Becomes a racetrack

We construct and design

Always seeing faster

Is at the head of the line

 

One at a time

Place a foot on the side

Deep breath, look around

Hear that familiar sound?

 

The person you want to be

Stands tall in your shoes

Run too fast

You’ll usually lose.

 

Slow down, sit and stay

Look around, take time to play

.

Your inner child needs to rest

You’ve passed Life’s Greatest Test.

It's your race, not theirs

To walk or to run

To stand or to sit

In shadow or Sun.

When you measure you miss

The subtleness

Of This. . . 

Today followed yesterday

Tomorrow will too.

It's your life you're living

You choose while you're giving.

Dementia Talk & Walk

 Moms, Dads, kids, have “the talk”.                                                                          Once in a lifetime? Perhaps more than once?

Walking away. Believing “duty” performed.

Sigh of relief feeling it’s done.

 

Who talks to us about Dementia?

As we run through life looking only ahead.

 

Who cares if we move backwards not forwards?

Struggling with an opponent wanting only to win.

 

Unnoticed. Unrecognized. Unwanted.

Why? When? How? 

 

“I think therefore I am” runs through yesterday’s mind.

“What was I thinking about……” now rings in our ears.

 

You can do this. You’ve always done this. 

Please, just try. Please . . . just . . . try . . . 

 

Where am I going?  

Where have I been?

Why do I want to?   

Why should I care?

 

Leave me alone. 

Isn’t it what you want?

Isn’t it what you need?

 

HEAR “ME”. SEE “ME”

I am here. Have been. Will be. WILL YOU?

 

Eulogy For Those We've Lost Along Life's Way

Time In A Bottle

We move in circles in life.

They sometimes overlap.                                                                                     Opening to join together.

Closed circles created by life happening. 

Open circles are often privileges. 

Choices of time and money.

Saturday. Errands to run.                                                                                         Places to go out of necessity. 

A few hours to call my own.

Let's explore!

There's an AP for that . . .

Provided you have the money

To pay for the phone and service

Opening the world for and to you.

It's fascinating. 

Coming from a generation 

Taught to consume, taught to want, 

To expect and to desire so much in life.

Taught to go to stores and "shop til you drop". 

Never fully embracing but still participating, 

We followed the leaders and trends 

Imitating parents and friends.

Full circle. 

Millenials are reteaching "old" ways 

Including bartering, trade, 

Cross generational support, 

Multigenerational living.

"Boomers" were the great hope of the economy. 

Parents and relatives back from Wars.

Many were undeclared or referred to as "conflicts".                      

Houses. Suburbia. Marriage and families. 

Needs and wants. Hopes and dreams. 

The wheel of life.

The wheel of consumerism.

Consider it "economic development". 

Privilege. Freedom. Opportunity.

We began as a society.

Like the Seasons changing.

 

Then came the great ability to shop til you drop. 

Specialized areas downtown, suburban malls, 

Online across the Country, around the World.

We meet our own demise along the way.

Believing "others" have created.

While we continue to disrupt and interrupt.

Always pointing fingers away, not toward.

No longer needing to "go out".

There's an AP to deliver anything and everything.

Turn on, tune in, buy, buy, buy.

"Mom and Pop" stores believe they can compete

They're sold a "bill of goods" and believe the hype.

Now they can expand onto the internet.

What's changed? It's just a "glorified" catalogue.

No longer in print but always there 24/7.

Instant and immediate gratification. 

The acquistion is more than the possession.

It amazes me how new generations

Believe they're invented something.

They've simply regrouped and reorganized 

Readjusted systems, procedures and practices. 

They're not "creators".

They're "developers". 

Their time and influence rising and falling

. 

Given Time, we'll  grow a "Next Generation".